Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
I met a "blogger"...
Everytime I go home, I always tell myself that I would drive while in Nigeria, but the drive from the airport to the house always settles it : I’m too chicken to drive in Lagos.
So on that fateful day when I decided to go out on my own with public transportation little did I know that I had a lot in store for me. I psyched myself up properly for the trip
Its only one bus
You don’t even have to struggle. The buses are parked
You did this before last year! you're almost a pro!
Anyways, so I wore a green washed out jeans, a short sleeved white tshirt, and a blue-green plaid waistcoat. My gladiators and a few accessories later, I was ready to hit the road. The bus ride went well. I have a pretty good memory and so I knew the places we had to pass before I got to my stop. However, I MISSED MY STOP!
I don’t know how, but the next thing I knew, the driver pulled into the garage!
Yeeee! Mo gbe! Oops, OOOUSH!
So I told the driver that I was trying to get down at xxxx bus stop. And he was like ‘we passed there already, e ba ti so (u should have said something). Anyways, he told me to walk out of the garage and take a bike to where I was going.
As I was walking out of the garage, one guy just accosted me
“Aunty, nnkan odun wa da”1
I ignore him and keep walking. Living in a big city (both in lagos and America) means that I’m used to such random people stopping me. So I don’t frown, I don’t appear too friendly and I don’t appear harsh.
“infact, aunty be se dun to yi, mo mo enikan to le fun yin ni nnkan odun” 2
Before I knew it, they were two and then three.
Shit! I’m in trouble!
“ e ma worry, mo wa ok” 3 I say, and attempt to keep it stepping- fast.
Very soon, I’m pretty much surrounded by Sunday, Mufu and Rashidi (yeah, i recognize them from FBA's posts). They had formed a ring around me, and I know its going to be a struggle getting through them. So I stop walking, take on a slightly- note, slightly – irritated pose and say
“e wo, mo ni bi to ye ki n wa, e n da mi duro” 4 I try to sound annoyed instead of scared.
Then Sunday calls my attention to a guy chilling under a tent a few feet from us. I realize that’s Fineboy Agbero! The nerve of the dude! Sending his boys to come and do his sloppy work for him.
Anyways, Sunday now asks for my number. I tell him that I don’t have a phone, which in retrospect I realize was a very unbelievable lie, I mean, its like, you know, as in people carry three phones in naija for chrissakes!
Of course Sunday and co don’t believe me, he insists that I don’t want to give them my number because they are agberos. Mufu asks if they can go buy me a phone right now. I decline.
All this while FBA is chilling in the same spot watching all the proceedings, and I guess in order not to let down their boss, these dudes pressed harder and I was now very annoyed, embarrassed and of course scared! Me, I don’t want trouble o!
Iya sidikat the paraga seller then says something to the effect that I shouldn’t get them mad that if they didn’t like me they wouldn’t have stopped me…or some jazz like that. I didn’t even know that she was right there behind me
See me see trouble o! Now my heart was pounding in my chest, thinking of all the ways I could extricate myself from what was becoming a huge mess.
So I tell Rashidi that I seriously don’t have a phone (I was afraid my phone was going to ring from my bag, and they would break bottle on my head!) and that I really need to be on my way, he should write FBA’s number on a paper, and that I would call him.
They attempted to make me swear on Sango that I would actually call. Finally, FBA steps out from under the shade. He comes to where we were standing and said he was going to follow me to where I was going to take the bike.
Anyways, he sha starts following me trying to make conversation (my heart is pounding and im cursing my friend out in my mind cos I’m scared that he’s going to carry me away). I don’t remember the lies I told, but I remember saying my name is Bisi, I school in UNILAG…
Anyways, we get there and he pays for the bike and I’m off! Since that day, I stuck to my cabs like glue. omo ti o ni 'ya, o n d'egbo eyin.5
Now please help me ask FBA, why he wants to kill me and send my dead body to my mother? I have to look over my back to make sure Rayo is not there before I blow him an e-kiss. There are some parts of blogville that I cant patrol on my own for fear of LG hijacking me.
So why would fineboy agbero now want to expose my face to Sikira, and lately Bolatito so that I wont be free to walk around lagos ehn? What if Sikira had met me there? na to die be dat o!
1. aunty, where is our christmas gift?
2. aunty, you're looking so sweet, i know somebody who can give u something for christmas.
3. don't worry, I'm ok.
4. look, I have somewhere I have to be now, you're keeping me waiting.
5. can somebody volunteer to translate? Allied?
So on that fateful day when I decided to go out on my own with public transportation little did I know that I had a lot in store for me. I psyched myself up properly for the trip
Its only one bus
You don’t even have to struggle. The buses are parked
You did this before last year! you're almost a pro!
Anyways, so I wore a green washed out jeans, a short sleeved white tshirt, and a blue-green plaid waistcoat. My gladiators and a few accessories later, I was ready to hit the road. The bus ride went well. I have a pretty good memory and so I knew the places we had to pass before I got to my stop. However, I MISSED MY STOP!
I don’t know how, but the next thing I knew, the driver pulled into the garage!
Yeeee! Mo gbe! Oops, OOOUSH!
So I told the driver that I was trying to get down at xxxx bus stop. And he was like ‘we passed there already, e ba ti so (u should have said something). Anyways, he told me to walk out of the garage and take a bike to where I was going.
As I was walking out of the garage, one guy just accosted me
“Aunty, nnkan odun wa da”1
I ignore him and keep walking. Living in a big city (both in lagos and America) means that I’m used to such random people stopping me. So I don’t frown, I don’t appear too friendly and I don’t appear harsh.
“infact, aunty be se dun to yi, mo mo enikan to le fun yin ni nnkan odun” 2
Before I knew it, they were two and then three.
Shit! I’m in trouble!
“ e ma worry, mo wa ok” 3 I say, and attempt to keep it stepping- fast.
Very soon, I’m pretty much surrounded by Sunday, Mufu and Rashidi (yeah, i recognize them from FBA's posts). They had formed a ring around me, and I know its going to be a struggle getting through them. So I stop walking, take on a slightly- note, slightly – irritated pose and say
“e wo, mo ni bi to ye ki n wa, e n da mi duro” 4 I try to sound annoyed instead of scared.
Then Sunday calls my attention to a guy chilling under a tent a few feet from us. I realize that’s Fineboy Agbero! The nerve of the dude! Sending his boys to come and do his sloppy work for him.
Anyways, Sunday now asks for my number. I tell him that I don’t have a phone, which in retrospect I realize was a very unbelievable lie, I mean, its like, you know, as in people carry three phones in naija for chrissakes!
Of course Sunday and co don’t believe me, he insists that I don’t want to give them my number because they are agberos. Mufu asks if they can go buy me a phone right now. I decline.
All this while FBA is chilling in the same spot watching all the proceedings, and I guess in order not to let down their boss, these dudes pressed harder and I was now very annoyed, embarrassed and of course scared! Me, I don’t want trouble o!
Iya sidikat the paraga seller then says something to the effect that I shouldn’t get them mad that if they didn’t like me they wouldn’t have stopped me…or some jazz like that. I didn’t even know that she was right there behind me
See me see trouble o! Now my heart was pounding in my chest, thinking of all the ways I could extricate myself from what was becoming a huge mess.
So I tell Rashidi that I seriously don’t have a phone (I was afraid my phone was going to ring from my bag, and they would break bottle on my head!) and that I really need to be on my way, he should write FBA’s number on a paper, and that I would call him.
They attempted to make me swear on Sango that I would actually call. Finally, FBA steps out from under the shade. He comes to where we were standing and said he was going to follow me to where I was going to take the bike.
Anyways, he sha starts following me trying to make conversation (my heart is pounding and im cursing my friend out in my mind cos I’m scared that he’s going to carry me away). I don’t remember the lies I told, but I remember saying my name is Bisi, I school in UNILAG…
Anyways, we get there and he pays for the bike and I’m off! Since that day, I stuck to my cabs like glue. omo ti o ni 'ya, o n d'egbo eyin.5
Now please help me ask FBA, why he wants to kill me and send my dead body to my mother? I have to look over my back to make sure Rayo is not there before I blow him an e-kiss. There are some parts of blogville that I cant patrol on my own for fear of LG hijacking me.
So why would fineboy agbero now want to expose my face to Sikira, and lately Bolatito so that I wont be free to walk around lagos ehn? What if Sikira had met me there? na to die be dat o!
1. aunty, where is our christmas gift?
2. aunty, you're looking so sweet, i know somebody who can give u something for christmas.
3. don't worry, I'm ok.
4. look, I have somewhere I have to be now, you're keeping me waiting.
5. can somebody volunteer to translate? Allied?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Naija: A post in Many Parts
Third time, they say, is the charm. This was my third time of visiting home for Christmas. The first time I didn’t have to mix business with pleasure.
Heavenly Bliss! Pure unadulterated bliss!
Why o why is it that EVERYBODY in naija carries at least two phones? I don’t get it. Actually, people have tried to explain it to me several times but it still amazes me everytime I see a dude with four phones. Pls don’t bother explaining it to me again. It gives me a headache! It was just kinda interesting to see pple battling with their numerous phones.
Speaking of phones, I missed my phone sooo bad! I’m not used to rapid phone calls, but after the first three days, I pretty much got the hang of it. That was the one thing I couldn’t stand! Ok, aside from NEPA...
Speaking of NEPA, my mom is convinced that I have a boyfriend in NEPA or is it PHCN? The night before I came (so I heard) the Light started coming on at 12am to stay for the most part of the night. Cool, because they put off the generator like a couple mins before 12am. I guess the NEPA dude realized that I wasn’t accepting his proposition because about a week into my stay, the power became erratic. Idiot! By then, my nephrons had grown longer and I had already adapted
I need to do a separate post about my clubbing experience. I was excited to go out with a couple of friends one Friday night. Sadly the Clubbing scene is far different from what I’m used to. Don’t get me wrong. The place we went to was tastefully done – nice atmosphere, two levels, nice VIP rooms, but I did not have as much fun. THE DJ SUCKED BALLS!
Why o why is anybody still playing songs from the early 90s? I don’t mean old school songs. I mean, Rihana has even forgotten that she sang “Pon de Replay”! and if you wanted to play an Usher song, what happened to “Love in this club”? why “caught up”?
Speaking of clubs, I almost met the Love of My Life at the club. Apparently they had reserved one of the VIP tables that my friends wanted, and so we knew they were supposed to be coming. Also it happened that some of the friends I went out with knew him and promised to introduce us. Alas! They didn’t show up!
I know this is the work of haters, but this Love will prevail!
Speaking of the Love of my Life, have you heard his new single: Taboo? That ish is off the wall! I’ve always known that my baby has mad talent! I swear that joint was inspired by me (can a girl dream in peace again?)
I’m sorry I took off my beads, its only been two months. I thought they had served their purpose. I’m going to go look for my beads and put them back on!
Sorry Dbanj, I cant be ur HKIC anymore.
I had an encounter with a “blogger”. This deserves a post on its own. Said post coming up next. QED!
My naija anthems were:
Taboo – Wande Coal
Bosi gbangba – El dee
Le fenu so – Lord of Ajasa ft 9ice ( only the part sung by 9ice sha,)
And no naija xmas trip is complete without weddings! I attended one. Thank God I bought the dress in London.
Short. Perfect.
Oh, and I did a lot of reading when I got tired of going out. There was something special about leisure reading. Maybe cos I haven’t done it in months! I bought three books on my way from London (almost missed my flight cos of it!) a sweetheart gave me three more books in Naija (muah!) and I bought three more books on my way back! So of course I didn’t open any school books during the holiday, it felt good!
And since I missed one week of school already, I have to hit those same school books real hard. Shucks!
Exams in three weeks! Jizos H. Christ!!
Heavenly Bliss! Pure unadulterated bliss!
Why o why is it that EVERYBODY in naija carries at least two phones? I don’t get it. Actually, people have tried to explain it to me several times but it still amazes me everytime I see a dude with four phones. Pls don’t bother explaining it to me again. It gives me a headache! It was just kinda interesting to see pple battling with their numerous phones.
Speaking of phones, I missed my phone sooo bad! I’m not used to rapid phone calls, but after the first three days, I pretty much got the hang of it. That was the one thing I couldn’t stand! Ok, aside from NEPA...
Speaking of NEPA, my mom is convinced that I have a boyfriend in NEPA or is it PHCN? The night before I came (so I heard) the Light started coming on at 12am to stay for the most part of the night. Cool, because they put off the generator like a couple mins before 12am. I guess the NEPA dude realized that I wasn’t accepting his proposition because about a week into my stay, the power became erratic. Idiot! By then, my nephrons had grown longer and I had already adapted
I need to do a separate post about my clubbing experience. I was excited to go out with a couple of friends one Friday night. Sadly the Clubbing scene is far different from what I’m used to. Don’t get me wrong. The place we went to was tastefully done – nice atmosphere, two levels, nice VIP rooms, but I did not have as much fun. THE DJ SUCKED BALLS!
Why o why is anybody still playing songs from the early 90s? I don’t mean old school songs. I mean, Rihana has even forgotten that she sang “Pon de Replay”! and if you wanted to play an Usher song, what happened to “Love in this club”? why “caught up”?
Speaking of clubs, I almost met the Love of My Life at the club. Apparently they had reserved one of the VIP tables that my friends wanted, and so we knew they were supposed to be coming. Also it happened that some of the friends I went out with knew him and promised to introduce us. Alas! They didn’t show up!
I know this is the work of haters, but this Love will prevail!
Speaking of the Love of my Life, have you heard his new single: Taboo? That ish is off the wall! I’ve always known that my baby has mad talent! I swear that joint was inspired by me (can a girl dream in peace again?)
I’m sorry I took off my beads, its only been two months. I thought they had served their purpose. I’m going to go look for my beads and put them back on!
Sorry Dbanj, I cant be ur HKIC anymore.
I had an encounter with a “blogger”. This deserves a post on its own. Said post coming up next. QED!
My naija anthems were:
Taboo – Wande Coal
Bosi gbangba – El dee
Le fenu so – Lord of Ajasa ft 9ice ( only the part sung by 9ice sha,)
And no naija xmas trip is complete without weddings! I attended one. Thank God I bought the dress in London.
Short. Perfect.
Oh, and I did a lot of reading when I got tired of going out. There was something special about leisure reading. Maybe cos I haven’t done it in months! I bought three books on my way from London (almost missed my flight cos of it!) a sweetheart gave me three more books in Naija (muah!) and I bought three more books on my way back! So of course I didn’t open any school books during the holiday, it felt good!
And since I missed one week of school already, I have to hit those same school books real hard. Shucks!
Exams in three weeks! Jizos H. Christ!!
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