Stranger's balls, Church and Vagina. (do not read while eating, you've been warned!)

There are a few memorable moments from each year of medical school. In first year, the moment you meet your first cadaver, make your first incision, and of course the moment you’re done with first year. In second year, it’s the USMLE, your first meaningful patient contact and your first GTU experience. I had one of my own memorable moments a couple of weeks back- my GenitoUrinary Exam.

The GTU exam is when you actually get to perform a genitourinary exam on your first live patient. The patients are trained professionals (professional patients? Professional actors?) to teach you the process as you perform the exam on them.

On this particular sunday, I donned my white coat as usual, left my stethoscope, put on the same heels from the last post and made my way to the hospital. There were three of us assigned to the patient- Two girls and a guy.

The first patient I saw was a female. She was already there sitting on the examining table. I was nervous at first, but after a while I relaxed and got into it. We did the breast exam first, and then we did the vaginal exam, and the rectal exam. We even got to put a speculum in!

How many speculums can you have inserted inside you in the span of two hours? We all did it once, I mean its not painful or anything, but there were two groups, meaning at least six students. Like one wise man once said, “She dey take am like professional”.

Anyways, we were done in about two hours. The only highlight of the exam was that she made me cut my nails before inserting my fingers in her vagina. Yea, so my wonderful nails are goneeee!!!!

So my female patient was done, and it was time for the male patient. I was more nervous than scared. I mean, its not like I haven’t seen a naked male before, but handling a stranger was just too uncomfortable for me to imagine. We first started, by looking for lymph nodes and soon it was time to do the penile exam.

Father Lord, please don’t let him have an erection while I’m doing the penile exam!

I went second, and while I was examining him, he started to have an erection (which is normal, you perverts! Lol)

There are very few awkward moments that you would remember for the rest of your life. Like the moment you were stuck holding a random stranger’s ball for more almost a minute while the rest of the people in the room carry on a conversation. It was time to examine the testicles, and Mr. John had suggested that I go first, just as I put my hands to his balls, infact, I was already cradling it in my hand when one of my partners chose that inopportune time to ask a question!

So do I drop it like its hot?

Or hold on while he asked his question and Mr John answered?

Neways, I ended up doing the latter. All the while I’m thinking:

Great! Instead of being at church getting my praise on, I’m here holding a stranger’s balls minutes after digging through another stranger’s vagina. Happy Sabbath day!

For some reason, I couldn’t get the testicles to hold still in my hands. He had to show me twice before I finally could do a reasonable maneuver. Eventually I had to do it with both hands.

“You hold it like this and roll it between ur hands”

My troubles were far from over. Next on the agenda was the Digital rectal exam. My plan was to go second so I could see what the person in front of me did. Mr John had a different plan.

“Bumight, why don’t you go first?”

So I put a lot of lubricant on my finger, spread his cheeks and inserted my hand up his anus. Turned my hands 180 degrees clockwise, 270 degrees counterclockwise to feel his prostate and it was over. He said I did well!

Plus, I actually felt his prostate!!! So my first digital rectal exam was not as bad as I thought it would be, it was over in less than 45 seconds.

So, I don’t think got a good handle on the testicular exams, plus I think I might need more practice with the Digital rectal exams, any volunteers? LOL!

True Life: How do you...?

how do you use the words "Stranger's balls", "Church", "Vagina" in one sentence?

Full story coming to a blog near you sometimes this week...I think


Still your favorite PG-13 blogger,
Bumight!

of Awards, Nominations, and Baby Showers

I want to say a huge thank you to every single person that voted for me for Best Student Blogger Award. At first, when I heard I was nominated, I was confused. Is the best student blogger the person that blogs about school best? or the student who blogs best? I still dont know, but I'm thankful that you guys found me worthy.

I remember when I first started blogging. Actually, I remember when I opened this blog. I was sitting in orientation class, listening to all these upperclassmen tell us how hectic school was going to be and how we were not going to have time to have a social life. I signed on to blogger then ( I was a regular reader of exschoolnerd's blog then, the only blogspot blog I knew) and opened my own blog.

I wanted this blog to be my escape from school, you know to have a life that doesnt revolve around cadavers, diseases and histology slides. The blog was first titled "Medico Blues", then I changed it to the present name. Because I was writing in order to get away from school, i rarely put up stuff about school. I mean, I didnt want med school to take over my life.

I wrote especially when I was under school stress. In first year, when I would be in school for hours on end studying for an exam, and couldnt take it anymore. I'd sign in and write. My most memorable posts were written under such stress. Now that I dont find school as stressful anymore, I have to think very deeply to even figure out what I want to write about.

I cannot think about my med school experience without this blog. Actually, my presence on blogville (shouting first and commenting) is directly related to school. Since all my notes are on my computer, I study on my computer. My google reader is always open, so I'm almost always around to shout "FIRSTTTTT!!!!" (why did i divulge my secret?)

Oh, and I want to appreciate all my category nominees as well especially Mizchif and Geebee. I mean how could I have been nominated against my special boo-boo? well, *clears throat* in the magnanimity of my heart, I have decided to share this award with them! so, I will give Mizchif and Geebee the bottom parts of the ribbon, lol.

I have also been nominated in the Category B. I hope you guys have performed your Bumight Civic Duty? if not, what are you waiting for?





plus, I hope you guys are preparing for my baby shower? Oluwadee and Solomonsydelle are in charge of planning it. I will be receiving baby shower gifts so hit the stores and shower me with giftssssssssssssss! lol. if you look closely at my avatar over the coming weeks, you'll see that the stomach will start protruding. honestly! im serious :)

ok, I confess (the Remix)

I am indeed pregnant...

Before you start to judge me, and call me all the names in the book, hear my side of the story first.

*dim the lights*

These are my confessions:
It all started with the break up with FBA. I was feeling down, dejected, and vulnerable. I mean, my heart had just been broken by someone I loved, someone who claimed to love me just as much.

Then, He came along. At first, he was just a listening ear, then one day, he came to "see" me on my blog. one thing led to another, he hiked up my e-skirt and before we knew it, we were dancing galala.

When I first approached him about the pregnancy, his first instinct was to run- and run he did! but he's back
Yes blogville, that's the owner of my pregnancy.

In 9 months (wait, what is the gestation period for e-pregnancies?) there will be a little douglet or bumightten running around on blogville. keep ur fingers crossed!

In the mean time, i will play Mozart for our little douglet, and read him posts from his daddys blog. I will tell him about the exploits of his daddy - The only grasper of the connundrums, the Possessor of Spicy appendages, The protector of Ibibio Virginity, The prey of the Bunny Boiler.


UPDATE: I just found out that I got nominated - actually, i found out yesterday night (Thanks Temite!) but my laptop died, and my charger...- anyways, leave story for tortoise. Like I was saying, I was nominated in the category B awards - five nominations. Thanks guys!
see, this baby is indeed the harbinger of good news. Infact, I think we already have one name picked out now: KOLAWOLE, which means "harbinger of wealth"



PPS: the answer to the quiz on my previous post is posted here

Send To Phone

Playing doctor, or was it patient?

Thursdays
5th day of the week, and day i get to "play doctor".

On this day, I chuck my jeans and put on something sexy, oops professional, don my white coat, stethescope around my neck, and off to the clinic i go.
At the clinic, I follow my doctor around, and proceed to poke, prod, chook, innocent people who have come to see the real doctor.

This particular thursday was no different. I opted for a skirt, sweater, u know nothing serious. The only different thing i guess was that i wore heels. whats the significance of this info? Nothing. I just wore heels - I prolly had a little pep in my step

I saw the first patient. nothing serious- Follow up, COPD, poked him a little bit in the ears under the pretext of trying to see if his ear was infected.

Next patient. And that was where the trouble began

I dont think I can stand up for long anymore

I think I want to sit down

I feel dizzy

So i walked to the next consulting room, sat down and put my head on the table. My attending physician came in and met me there

"What's wrong with you?"

"I just feel dizzy" i replied

then he called one of the nurses to come in and check my blood pressure - twas a bit hypotensive (90/60). He said the room was hot, so it might be the reason. i think it might also be because i hadnt eaten lunch - i mean, i had a bagel at 12pm and that was the only thing I had eaten all day - at that time (3pm)

All this while, I'm thinking "this is high yield blogging material!" :)
Anyways, After a glass of water and couple of candies, I was allowed to leave the clinic.

oh, and he asked me if i was pregnant. lol. just incase its running through your mind, I'm not. :)

I'm back at school. I've had a couple of cakes, just incase the reason i felt faint was because I was hypoglycemic. Even though I'm not lying down like I was told to, I'm sitting up with my feet propped.

I cant explain how i feel, but its nothing a couple of hours of sleep wouldnt fix. I'm definitely glad i'm not on my feet anymore!


UPDATE:
i feel like i have to write this cos of the comments:
1. it wasn't the heels. I was only standing for about an hour. I'm used to heels. i only mentioned it just because...
2. I am NOT pregnant. I am in the endometrial hyperplasia stage of uterine development, plus no coitus...lol

cry cry baby

Thanks for everyone who left a comment on my last post, emailed me, IMed me, or sent a text message. I feel like the kid that cried in class while everybody looked on - almost sorta embarrassed. You guys are awesome, and like a wise man once said: "you don make me fall in love". yes, I'm falling in love with you guys!

Every last comment got me smiling, uplifted and happy. The cool thing about it was that, they were not empty words (trust me, I can tell). Peeps, I was truly humbled. I must have read those comments like a gazillion times, then I went back to my old posts and started reading some of the comments that you guys have left on my blogs that made me smile, laugh, and all.

I answered an altar call for "a lady who has been weeping in her closet about sth..."(didnt quite catch the end cos i was already on my way out) We were asked to talk to God about the issue, and while i was there, I just kept repeating "I dont want to be depressed, I dont want to be depressed...." over and over again with tears streaming down my cheeks. My church is small, but at that moment i didnt care. Anyways,

In the middle of all that hoopla, i saw that I had been nominated for best student blogger. awesome! awesome!! awesome!!! Thanks to everyone who nominated me. kai, that category is going to be tough, with all the equally fantastic bloggers that I was nominated with. oya, click here to vote for me, I'll wait for you while you perform your Bumight Civic Duty:









done? see! that didn't take long, did it? As we were saying going (lol),

Here are some comments I came across while looking back (All comments are from 2008 posts) , can u see if you can match the comment to the blogger?

1. what is your bra size? - badderchic

2. i can marinade myself for you... :-) - UnNaked Soul

3. forgive my lecherous outlook, i was looking more at your thighs - jinta

4. ...nothing beats a lady (oops, babe) who maintains a well manicured set of nails. - Rethots

5. how do u want me to wake u up from this dream? Hot slap or cold water, pick one, fast! - Sting (she's mean, lol)

6. i think u are the lady-on-the-outside, smartass-in-class, vixen-in-bed sort.and that's not just ur blog personality. - Smaragd

Suspects are: rethots, Jinta, Sting, smaragd, UnNaked Soul, and badderchic.

why am i writing this again?

most times I'm happy
very happy
and that happiness is infectious

but sometimes, on very random days
I'm sad
very sad
and that sadness is visible
I call it a nobody-loves-me day
on such days, my phone doesnt ring
and I'm convinced nobody loves me in the whole wide world

I'm moody and sulking
and everybody my close friends know something's wrong
note to self: I think i need to be more adept at hiding my feelings

somebody remarked today that I've lost weight. I didnt even notice.

I think I'm homesick...but I really dont feel like talking to my family just yet.
I miss my girls...I feel so lonely
I dont want to be in school right now, but I have to
I want to have a good cry but there's no privacy in school fo such
I also have to think of a reason why i would be crying

plus maybe its a good thing that im stuck in school...at least that way im around people

To make matters worse, I woke up with a dull tummy ache...and i have pain in my back
maybe i have pyelonephritis...or acute pancreatitis?...or its just a stomach ulcer?

I'm tired of love and all the bullshit it stands for and comes with it.

17 new blog posts to read....and i dont feel like reading about love, weddings/marriages, he said/she said...even my own post is sickening to me right now
why is everyone blogging about that?
I've shouted "FIRST" twice today, and that wasnt even enough to cheer me up.
something has to be really wrong.

I dont even know why I'm writing this here...maybe i'll delete