At the Gym

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.


First off, I will be quick to point out that Bumight is no gym buff. My gym experience has been limited to mandatory gym classes that I had to take in college and a couple of epileptic stints here and there. Nowadays, anything soulja boy cannot fix infront of my mirrors is too much for me. Personally as long as my midriff is presentable and I don’t pass my magic 3 digit number, I’m fine.

Anyways, since it seemed like everyone around me just discovered the gym, I decided I needed a little bit of toning myself. I decided to go for one of their cycling classes, thinking to myself “shebi its to ride stationary bike na? no biggie”

I got on feeling all motivated and cool and started pedaling.

“Turn it up one notch” the instructor’s voice rung out. No biggie. I complied

Then 15 minutes into the class, I started feeling tired. I literarily felt like all the energy had been sapped from me and I was going to pass out any minute.

Who sent you? You’re one of the smallest people in this class!


I refused to heed the voice in my head, and continued pedaling. 15 minutes into it, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I faked a call I had to answer and promptly escaped. The plan was to catch my breath for a few minutes and return to the torture – oops! I meant exercise. A couple of minutes later (I actually received a call o) I was back in the class.
I tried to adjust my pedaling to sync with the song that was coming out through the speakers: “I can feel it coming in the air tonight”

I definitely feel this ish, my thighs are aching!

Then soulja boy’s - God bless him- voice filled the room : “…She got a dunk”

gurl, you’re not going to have a dunk anymore!


But I persisted. Even the instructor seemed to be in on the conspiracy. She kept saying “turn it up two notches” after the third time, I didn’t answer her again! I even started turning it down.
Somehow, I made it to the end of the class. The class appriopriately ended to the not-so-sexy voice of usher asking us “do I remind you of the pain…”

Yeah buddy, I’m currently feeling the pain as you sing!

Forget all that BS they tell you about exercise giving you more energy, cos right now (7 hours after) I still feel drained, and my whole body hurts! is Scribbles still handing out those free massages?
So am I going back? You bet I am! This time I think I’m going to try the pilates class. I hear it works wonders for flexibility of....anyways, NDQ can you confirm? lol


CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.