Hooking up with your Summer Naija dude

seeing as the recession hit blogville, NOTE: this post is totally tongue-in-cheek. It is not to be taken seriously. Also, a huge sense of humor is required for your reading pleasure.

So everywhere I turn to, everyone is lamenting on the total lack of marriageworthy/dateable/responsible naija men. Like seriously, the Naija man is becoming just like the Proverbs 31 woman (A virtuous woman, who can find?) .They are starting to seem like an endangered species of some sort. So, I did the research, and voila! fairy godmother to the rescue!

1. Be in the Zone

I guess this has to come first, because every other thing would not work right if #1 is not a given. By the "zone" i mean you have to be in one of the following states: Maryland, Baltimore (i realize baltimore is not a state, but for this purposes, they count as one!), Texas (preferrably Dallas or Houston), California, New york. Being in any other state reduces your chances to like 30% - cos everyone knows that these states are the popping states for naija dudes during the summer. I cant speak for jand/canadian/ireland/every-other-place people.

Of course it doesnt matter that Maryland guys are keeping in line with the whole stop-global-warming theme i.e they are getting recycled. However, it doesnt marra- a man is a man shey? I wont even speak about the razz Texas dudes. If you're in Cali, I hear your chances are great if you go to naming ceremonies - I heard ni o! but be prepared to spend money on the aso-ebi for the baby showers and naming ceremony!

2. Go shopping for food

nah! the point is not to actually eat the food! - and before you head out to your walmart/safeway/giant/ - hold on! i meant go shopping at the African store. Trust me on this.

There is hardly anytime I go to the african store that i dont get hollered at, not minding that the pick up lines are usually centered around

"what are u doing here?",

"you dont look like you cook"

freaking idiots! but if you end up with another woman's husband who's just there cos his wife sent him (or better still, his wife is on aisle 8 in the same store), you're totally on your own (OYO) because i didnt gaurantee that you'd meet single men - afterall, i only said naija men!

PS: if you're going to do the African Store move, I heard sunday afternoon is a good time to set the traps- oops! i meant go shopping. Again, I heard ni o! apparently, people usually "branch" at the African store on their way back from church.

3. Go out

- and i dont mean to the clubs, bars, and stuff. Everyone knows that summer is barbeque season. Here's where Baltimore comes in. Even Vera can attest to the fact that that's all they do in Baltimore- BBQ all day! i keed u not!

speaking of Vera, I have to do a post about how obsessed that girl is with me! seriously! but since this post is not titled Hooking up with Bumight, I think I'll keep it moving.

Like I said BBQs! I haven't heard about awon Texas and Cali people, but Baltimore people? its all about the BBQs, like if those folks dont do BBQs every weekend, trust me, some of them will be falling sick and the ERs in baltimore'll be crowded ---> tax payers' money being wasted---> a lot of serious complications. so we've just freed them with their BBqs.

4. save up for a trip...

...to Naija Reunion.

*sigh*

this one is a very testy one. the Nigerian Reunion is like a party/event organized for people in the diaspora. The underlying theme of the whole event is hooking up walahi! Again, I cannot vouch for the quality of the hook ups because the pics of naija reunion that ive been seeing all over the internet/facebook are very "suspect". Sometimes I be thinking its a JAB reunion, but what do i know? small girl like me!

I think this year's reunion was in Vegas, and you know what they say about stuff that happens in vegas? again I heard o! who am I to give u fake gist or anything? *innocent look* but you can look it up yourself here

5. Take a bite of the Big Apple

Remember how we had agbalumo season, and mango season and seasons for other fruits? yup! Summer time is the season for naija dudes in New York. however, you got to know somebody that knows someborri that knows someone....who's throwing a house parry. yup! thats how they roll in the N-Y. you know what they say: a facebook picture is worth a thousand words, and trust me, I've seen plenty! however (y'all knew the "but" was coming right?). Let's do this with maths.

given Summer time = Internship period

and New york is directly proportional to Fortune 500 companies

now here's the question: Given that fortune 500 companies like to increase diversity by accepting black students for summer internships

Black schools = Prime recruitment site for these companies = recruitment of smart students= Naija students

2 plus 2 is equal to 22 niyen! voila! NY is populated with smart sexy ass naija brothers running all over wall streets IN SUITS!

There you have it! let it not be said that Bumight never hooked a sista..or bruva up!

Im outties!

Can't stop me

hot lonely monday night

9:31 pm to be exact. I sauntered into my kitchen to get a snack for the night.

All I wanted was a sandwich

A sandwich.

that would be perfect. I opened the fridge, and wait for it...

I HAD NO BREAD!

no freaking bread. How am i supposed to make a sandwich without bread?

poof!

just like that. My dream of eating a sandwich was crushed like that.. and all it took was an empty fridge. because you know what? only people with bread make sandwiches, and only people with bread who make sandwiches eat sandwiches.

So what did I do?

I marched back to the same empty fridge and ate the meat.

yes, I ate the Hillshire Farm Deli Select Ultra thin Honey Roasted Turkey breast.

just like that.

without the bread.

I took not one, not two but three pieces. All 50 calories of it.

And i feel good. cos who's to let a loaf of bread dash your dreams. i didnt even need a loaf, all i wanted was 2 freaking pieces!

oh yes! it'll have to take more than two non-existent pieces of sandwich to stop me.

On that fateful day, president Obama did not have a fly-swatter, but when that fly flew by, he didnt let that stop him, he went for it - Yes we can!

And when Tuface found himself in a room with the girl (all five of them, at different times of course) and he did not have a condom, oh no! he didn't let that stop him! - nothing dey happen!

So, with a contented grin on my face, I settle back onto my couch to keep reading the Jessica Brody book i was reading - contented in the fact that two pieces of bread could not stop me!

hmph!

This is what happens when you're...

16 and Pregnant

The things you do when boredom hooks you - I've been watching this program fr a couple of days. Thanks to Mtv, and I guess thanks are in order for them showing this side of the equation after showing the "super sweet 16" half of it. I guess everything is not so sweet when you're 16.

The most annoying episode is the one I'm currently watching. Dude, 18 knocks up his girlfriend. Both have a plan of enlisting in the airforce, but because she's pregnant, only one of them can enlist. They agree that he has to enlist, BUT he has to graduate first.

At some point in the show, babe works out a plan to graduate which involves her taking night classes, but her bf has to be home to watch the baby. However, dude doesnt come home from school on time and jeopardizes her plans. She doesnt get to graduate. He graduates - only after she babies him through.

I mean its bad enough being knocked up at 16, but

1. by someone who isnt mature and still acts like a kid - though they are both technically kids

2. Having to babysit him, i mean its bad enough having a baby on the way, but another grown baby?

3. Forfeiting your own dreams so that he can achieve his - and eventually be able to care for the family

4. His trifling ass refusing to grow up inspite of everything!

I guess the morale of the story is:

1. Do not have sex in high school

2. and if you do, dont do it with a fellow 17 year old child - ok, i kid, but seriously ALL the teenage fathers I've seen in all the episodes I've been watching act like little children, and its the females that have to grow up fast and become adults.

3. Or better still, strap on!

I guess in a way, kudos to MTv for this show because God knows that almost everything else in the media glamourizes teenage pregnancy. From Jamie Lynn Spears, Sarah Palin's daughter, to the movie: Juno. They make it look cool and okay when in reality, thats not the case.

Almost every one of them had to get a job and fend for themselves. The only couple that looked like they were from upper middle class families are not left without their troubles either. The girl manages to graduate, but she has to take care of the baby herself while her boyfriend hangs out with his friends.

The theme that keeps coming up over and over again is how the girl has to shelve school, take care of the baby, while the dude just hangs in there wondering how he came to be in this mess!

This show'll definitely be more effective as a reality check for younger girls than the best birds-and-the-bees lecture you could ever give!

ok, I'm off to catch more episodes of the show!

Randomly speaking

someone once mentioned to me that I dont write random blog posts. Well, that's about to change cos this post is going to be as random as it gets:

* I'm back from my little trip- and no, it wasnt a vacation per se. It was a working trip to provide free medical care to people of a particular island. Only one person correctly guessed where it was, and I'm not surprised at the person, lol. This was my first time going on such a trip, hopefully there'll be more next year. Nigeria? who knows!

* I think I'm beginning to lose my blogging mojo. I dont come on my blog often, even though I have things that i want to write swirling around in my head. I read blogs on google reader and just lack the motivation to comment. am I losing it?

*plus changing my url has been messing up my blog life. My "love of my (blog) life" list disappeared, and I couldnt add it back from my google reader: I had to add it back manually. If you're not on the list anymore, its not because i love u less o! I'm still working on it :)

*you have google reader right? if not, what are u waiting for? you'll thank me later, honestly!

*July 22 is my blog birthday, and we're shutting down all of blogville to celebrate (in my mind right?) lol. owambe style! hopefully my mojo is back by then :)

*blame it on the booze, blame it on the alcohol - i choose to blame it on the boredom - My watching koko mansion on youtube. Boring is an understatement for what i endured! maybe its because this is still their first week in the house, so we'll give them the benefit of doubt. Though i seriously doubt how that show'll get interesting without some drama, fighting, bitching, and some exhibition of less-than-ideal-kokolette behavior!

*ok, this is the reason why i dont write random posts, my mind doesnt work in randoms!

I'm out!