Hooking up with your Summer Naija dude

seeing as the recession hit blogville, NOTE: this post is totally tongue-in-cheek. It is not to be taken seriously. Also, a huge sense of humor is required for your reading pleasure.

So everywhere I turn to, everyone is lamenting on the total lack of marriageworthy/dateable/responsible naija men. Like seriously, the Naija man is becoming just like the Proverbs 31 woman (A virtuous woman, who can find?) .They are starting to seem like an endangered species of some sort. So, I did the research, and voila! fairy godmother to the rescue!

1. Be in the Zone

I guess this has to come first, because every other thing would not work right if #1 is not a given. By the "zone" i mean you have to be in one of the following states: Maryland, Baltimore (i realize baltimore is not a state, but for this purposes, they count as one!), Texas (preferrably Dallas or Houston), California, New york. Being in any other state reduces your chances to like 30% - cos everyone knows that these states are the popping states for naija dudes during the summer. I cant speak for jand/canadian/ireland/every-other-place people.

Of course it doesnt matter that Maryland guys are keeping in line with the whole stop-global-warming theme i.e they are getting recycled. However, it doesnt marra- a man is a man shey? I wont even speak about the razz Texas dudes. If you're in Cali, I hear your chances are great if you go to naming ceremonies - I heard ni o! but be prepared to spend money on the aso-ebi for the baby showers and naming ceremony!

2. Go shopping for food

nah! the point is not to actually eat the food! - and before you head out to your walmart/safeway/giant/ - hold on! i meant go shopping at the African store. Trust me on this.

There is hardly anytime I go to the african store that i dont get hollered at, not minding that the pick up lines are usually centered around

"what are u doing here?",

"you dont look like you cook"

freaking idiots! but if you end up with another woman's husband who's just there cos his wife sent him (or better still, his wife is on aisle 8 in the same store), you're totally on your own (OYO) because i didnt gaurantee that you'd meet single men - afterall, i only said naija men!

PS: if you're going to do the African Store move, I heard sunday afternoon is a good time to set the traps- oops! i meant go shopping. Again, I heard ni o! apparently, people usually "branch" at the African store on their way back from church.

3. Go out

- and i dont mean to the clubs, bars, and stuff. Everyone knows that summer is barbeque season. Here's where Baltimore comes in. Even Vera can attest to the fact that that's all they do in Baltimore- BBQ all day! i keed u not!

speaking of Vera, I have to do a post about how obsessed that girl is with me! seriously! but since this post is not titled Hooking up with Bumight, I think I'll keep it moving.

Like I said BBQs! I haven't heard about awon Texas and Cali people, but Baltimore people? its all about the BBQs, like if those folks dont do BBQs every weekend, trust me, some of them will be falling sick and the ERs in baltimore'll be crowded ---> tax payers' money being wasted---> a lot of serious complications. so we've just freed them with their BBqs.

4. save up for a trip...

...to Naija Reunion.

*sigh*

this one is a very testy one. the Nigerian Reunion is like a party/event organized for people in the diaspora. The underlying theme of the whole event is hooking up walahi! Again, I cannot vouch for the quality of the hook ups because the pics of naija reunion that ive been seeing all over the internet/facebook are very "suspect". Sometimes I be thinking its a JAB reunion, but what do i know? small girl like me!

I think this year's reunion was in Vegas, and you know what they say about stuff that happens in vegas? again I heard o! who am I to give u fake gist or anything? *innocent look* but you can look it up yourself here

5. Take a bite of the Big Apple

Remember how we had agbalumo season, and mango season and seasons for other fruits? yup! Summer time is the season for naija dudes in New York. however, you got to know somebody that knows someborri that knows someone....who's throwing a house parry. yup! thats how they roll in the N-Y. you know what they say: a facebook picture is worth a thousand words, and trust me, I've seen plenty! however (y'all knew the "but" was coming right?). Let's do this with maths.

given Summer time = Internship period

and New york is directly proportional to Fortune 500 companies

now here's the question: Given that fortune 500 companies like to increase diversity by accepting black students for summer internships

Black schools = Prime recruitment site for these companies = recruitment of smart students= Naija students

2 plus 2 is equal to 22 niyen! voila! NY is populated with smart sexy ass naija brothers running all over wall streets IN SUITS!

There you have it! let it not be said that Bumight never hooked a sista..or bruva up!

Im outties!