Almost doesn't count II - I once met a guy...

Excuse me my lady
Tell me what’s your name
I go crazy when I see you walking down the street
Can’t you see I’m crazy
Everyone else can see
That my baby I’m crazy over you
- Daniel Wilson


caution: I strongly suggest you read Almost doesn't count before you proceed.

I always maintain that the ninth wonder of the world is the Internet- comes right behind Google. Technically Google is part of the internet... I digress. The internet has made the world a global village, there are so many things you could do on the 'net: online shopping, read books, and Meet people.

I have met quite a variety of people through this wonderful medium. At said times, I was a regular jobless college student and online forums were an integral part of my life

The Knight in boring Amour. aka McBoring
I met McBoring through hi5, when hi5 was still cool. He sent me a message because I was from the same state or something random like that. I went through his profile and discovered that he was a graduate student in my school. We had been talking back and forth for a while and I found out that he knew some of my friends. This was close to spring break and I didnt have anything planned for spring break till later in the week. He asked me if I wanted to come hang out with him and I replied in the affirmative. When he came to pick me up, he spent about 5 mins goshing ove how I looked-in an uncool way. "omigosh, you're even prettier in person....I like your hair...can I touch it..."
Don't be mistaken, I like compliments and I live for attention, but this one was so not cool. I don't know how else to put it. Then we started talking and I told him I play chess.

my number one mistake.

We went to his place and dude brought out his chess set. We played chess for about 4 times. He won every single round. When he was bored with playing chess. He brought out more CHESS puzzles and we started doing it.
After like an hour, I told him I wanted to go home. He brought me back to my dorm and was already talking about how he wanted us to be serious.... oginni?
He reminded me so much of Brainy Brian.
PS: I dont have anything against nerdy guys, infact I consider myself a nerd as well, but where are the COOL NERDS? Where’s the mind stimulating conversation?

McRandy
I met him through one text message site like that. He sent me a text saying something like he could tell that I was naija- from a naija brother in the area. I can’t remember what was said, but the conversation got on to yahoo chat.

He asked for my number and I gave him my dorm number. We talked on the phone for quite a while and I finally agreed to meet him 9 months later.

As opposed to Knight, he was very worldly wise and knew what he wanted from the get go. He couldn't even lie.

He wanted sex.

I think I was smart enough to realize that that might be the only thing he wanted. Problem was, I liked the chase. This was the first time that anybody had actively chased me that way. I guess it’s because I’m used to guys saying “I love you” because they want to get into your pants and this was a guy who was real with it.
I guess it must have been the thrill of the chase; he actively stopped chasing after 2-3 years. He still calls me like every few months to pick up the chase where he left off.

Now, he’s like “I want to marry you”. Brother please!

Twinnie
I hate to put twinnie in here with the dogs, but I met him the same way I met McRandy- through the same site. He sent me a text message, and we started talking. Later on, I found out that we're birthday mates. He had just gotten into the country then, so he had no friends.

We talked for almost a year before we finally drifted apart.
I got to meet him for the first time this year, after talking to him for 3+ years.

He never said anything improper, we were just fast friends. I call him at least once a year- on our birthdays.

McDaddy
I really don’t know how I started talking to McDaddy. We’ll call him McDaddy cos he was waaaay older than me in so many regards- obviously in age. I think I met him on hi5 too (I’m starting to see a pattern here). He sent me a message cos he saw some of my modeling pictures and wanted me to be part of something he was organizing. We started emailing back and forth about the project and then progressed to talking.
Amongst a lot of things, we talked about religion pretty often- He was a self-professed aethist, and he made no beans about it. Gradually we went from spending minutes talking to hours on the phone.

Apparently, he had started to “catch feelings” (don’t blame me! J ) He told me not in the I-have-feelings-for-you-and-want-to-date-you way, it was more like fyi-i-have-developed-feelings-for-you-just-so-you-know way. In short sha, we became close and he would tell me stuff, almost like he was looking for advice (I’m the young one, remember?). Anyways we drifted apart. I think I let it happen when he admitted to having a fiancée of 6+ years and he told me he was thinking about breaking up with her. Alakoba! If you break up with your fiancée, I’m not going to date you!

We met in person once- with an appointed chaperone (I made my friend come with me) and that was it. Anyways, now we just talk like once in a very very blue moon.

I aint no Casanova
I aint no Romeo
I don’t smoke marijuana
I love you so
The only thing I plead
Is my loving you
And my baby I’m crazy over you
-Daniel Wilson

The Circle of Life

cast of Lion king. photo courtesy broadway.com

you've probably seen the disney movie, who hasnt?, but if you've not seen the broadway performance then me thinks that experience isn't complete.

I had the fortune of seeing the live broadway performance yesterday (thanks boo!) and I'm still reeling from the experience.

I hve always wondered how they would get humans to act like animals. That was the reason why I was never keen on seeing it, but when everybody started raving about it, I started getting curious.

First, I must say they really pulled it off. Some of the costumes were so on point, and they managed to find a good middle ground between man and animal. The lady that played Nala, Dany'elle Williamson had such graceful moves, it was easy to forget that she was human and not feline. Young Simba and Nala,played by Nicholas Ashe and Sade LouAnn Murray respectively were equally as good, especially since they were only 11 years old.

My best character in the whole production was Rafiki, played by Phindile Mkhize. She totally blew me away and gave me goosebumps every time she opened her mouth!
Phindile Mkhize as Rafiki. Photo by Joan Marcus

If at any time I was in doubt South Africans have perfected the art of singing with the same expertise that the East Africans have perfected long distance running and their West African brothers football, my doubts were laid to rest yesterday. Too bad there's no singing sport in the olympics because I'm sure the South Africans would have won gold, silver and bronze!. Most of the ensemble (if not all) were South Africans and they actualy kilt it! There was a scene where they performed without any instruments and their voices sent shivers down my spine! of course Rafiki had to be South African, because there was no way they could get away with anybody else playing that part.
*Ensemble . photo courtsey broadwayworld

There was also this scene where some dancers were in flesh colored body suit (at least I want to believe so). The lead guy had such a firm butt! damn!...ok, I know I'm going off topic here, but I had to mention that butt (no pun intended)

I don't know how my boyfriend managed to get the tickets, cos the production was sold out before the cast even came to town. thanks darl! My next stop is the broadway production of The color purple or Rent.

PS: The lion king tour dates:
Columbus OH: 08.29.08 - 09.28.08
East Lansing MI : 03.18.2009 - 04.19.2009
Kansas city MO : 10.04.08 - 11.08.09
New York, NY : 07.15.08 - 03.30.09
Sacramento CA: 05/30/2008 - 06.06.09
Temple AZ: 01.02.09 - 02.08.09

This is an experiment!

 

 

Before I leave

With my passport safely in my mother’s wardrobe, under her “isale-apoti”, I was holding the last document I needed to make my dreams come true – my one way ticket to America.
I had looked forward to, dreamt, and even tasted this day for the past 3 months. The only thing I would be truly missing was my boyfriend, Wale.
Not that I wouldn’t be missing my parents, but my relationship was barely 4 months old, and like most foolish 21 year olds, that was what mattered most to me.

I tucked the most precious piece of paper into the crevices of my purse, and secured it underneath my arm. No way was I going to let an area-boy snatch my dreams at the last inopportune minute.

“Mushin Oloosha, one more chance!”

That was the last prompting I needed, before I jumped on the bus that was going to take me into the waiting arms of my Romeo. My flight was scheduled to leave at 11.45pm tonight, and if I was ever going to get a chance to say a proper goodbye to Wale, now was the time to do it. The trip to the travel agent had been relatively short, and I had made it out by 12.15pm. I had at least three hours to burn.

There would be no romantic goodbyes at the airport. No shedding of tears as I hugged him tight and refuse to let go. There would be no last minute reaffirmations about how much he loved me, and how he would wait for me. He wouldn’t be there to wave at my plane as it took off – because my parents didn’t know I had a boyfriend. Instead I would be at the airport with my entire family and listen to little know-the-daughter-of-whom-you-are speeches, as eloquently rendered by my father.

“Iyana-Itire!”

“o wa o!”, I shouted in response to the conductor, and alighted from the bus.

I walked the five minute walk from the bus stop to his house deep in thought. I knew Wale was waiting for me. I didn’t need to call him to confirm, I didn’t have a phone on me anyways.

I opened their gate with the know-how that anyone who was a regular visitor to the house would possess. They always left the padlock to the gate outside, so once you let yourself in, you opened the pedestrian gate, replaced the lock and closed the gate from inside. I had made roughly ten trips to number 8, Ijeshatedo street, Iyana Itire, Mushin, and so I would know.

Wale and his housemate were watching a movie when I came in. As soon as he saw me, he rose up to hug me and in the same instant his housemate disappeared. We did all the last minute catching up and small talk before Wale took my hand and became serious.

“Shalewa, so what time did you say you’re leaving”

“11:45pm, this night”

“so this is the last time I’m seeing you right?”

“you can say so” I replied trying to make light of the situation even though I knew where this was going.

“Shalewa, you know how I feel about you, and you know that I’m going to wait for you. As far as I’m concerned you’re my wife”

There he goes again with this whole wife thingy, the thought of that alone gives me shivers. Not that I didnt want to be his wife, I just hated the thought of marriage at my age.

“Shalewa, you have to promise me that you won’t disappoint me when you get over there” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

“of course Wale, I won’t betray you, I’ve told you that a dozen times already”

“In that case, lets make a pact, a covenant”

I jerked, and sat up in that instant. “Wale, where did all this one come from, I’m not making any stupid covenant o”

“I’m not asking you to do anything bad, I just want us to swear on the Bible that we would keep ourselves pure for each other”

Now he had me pinned to the wall. If I didn’t make this “pact” he would be convinced that I had other plans.

“Alright, bring the Bible”

Wale brought out a white bible on which we both swore to be faithful to each other.

“Now, we have to seal it by making love” he announced after we were done with the pact.

“you didn’t tell me that one before Wale” I protested, although I sounded feeble even to my own ears.

“The pact would not be complete if we don’t do it, besides you’re travelling and only God knows when next I’m going to see you again” he persuaded “Moreover, remember that we have just promised to remain faithful to one another, I’m not going to do this again for a very long time, and you’re leaving this night”

“but Wale…”

The rest of my sentence was lost as he placed his mouth on mine.

‘Shalewa now, we just made a pact with the Bible, as far as everything goes, we are already married….”

And so on the rug right in front of the television at number 8 Ijeshatedo street, Iyana-Itire, Mushin, Wale claimed my virginity.



P.S: Characters in this text are purely fictional. Any semblance to any real life persons is co-incidental and regretted.

PPS: this is largely unedited, I finished writing this twenty minutes before my test. No, I didnt fail my test.

The man, the son and the donkey

Good news first, my internet is up and running,and my lappie is back!
I was going to take my time with the questions, but taking time with 30 people's questions will be no mean feat, especially since because I said you have a maximum of 3 questions, everyone felt they had to ask 3 questions each! that's over 60 questions! e fe pa ketekete ni?[1] lol!
Zephi, because you're my aburo, I'll pick your three questions that are not redundant, the rest of your questions were asked by other bloggers so here goes :
1. what is your name? government one..on your birth certificate: Titilayo -that is one name that only exists on my birth certificate. you should have asked for the one on my passport :)
2. what is you favorite sexual position: The Chediak-Higashi....allow your mind.

3. have you had an orgasm?: duh! of course!

Oluwadee wanted to know:
What sec/high school did you go to? Not a boring question. quite a complicated one for me actually. I was one of those
unfortunate
lucky children who went to three different high schools. I claim whichever one depending on the circumstance/stakes involved. For this purpose, I attended one of the very, if not most, famous girl schools in Nigeria....and no, I'm not a QC babe. For extra measure, the school is in Ibadan.

Shonavixen, a previously undercover reader asked:
What is the craziest thing you would do for love or money?
for the record, I hate these kind of questions: too much brain cells involved! Anyways, it depends. For money, I do not know. I have a decent helping of pride so I really can't say.
for love? don't we all do crazy things for love?
Do prison buses have emergency exits? lmao..silly question
now I like these kind of questions! when I googled it, here's what I got:
Prison buses have an emergency back hatch release but can only be released from the outside. These buses have two escorts one in front and one in back in case of emergencies. There are plenty of law enforcement officers to come to the aide if need be.
Who did you want to be when you were a child?
who or what? when i was a child, I wanted to be a teacher, and Iwas very determined, if I can say so myself. My dad bought me a blackboard and I would gather all the kids in the apartment building and teach them long division, phonics, HCF and LCM. I think I had a rethink once I was grown enough to realize that teachers dont really make much!

charizard:
are we allowed to ask personal questions? sure darling!
gng wanted to know:
What do you think of online dating?
I have never dated anyone I met online, but I have met lots of people online who wanted to date me. I didnt date them, not because I met them online, but for different reasons. I have a draft of the whole story, and I'll put up the post for you at a later date. However, I don't think online dating is for me because I dont think I can make the time investment.
•How would you rate your looks on a scale of 1-10? This is the exact reason why students don't grade their own exam papers. To be modest, I'll say I'm in the top half, leave that sef,
I'm too cool for school!

•What is your favourite thing about yourself (physical or otherwise) and why? physically, I'll have to say I love my lips, and I shamelessly show them off with lip gloss :)

standtall was a little hesitant to ask me:
What was growing up like? You may want to talk about that or again,
I've talked about growing up in several of my posts: Then...now, my first time, falling in love all over again, and the like.
what do u think Yar'adua will achieve in the next 1 yr? I don't even know what Yar'adua has achieved in this his first year

Ms O:
What is your fave show on TV right now?
I don't watch TV like that anymore. back in the day it used to be House, M.D

what city do you live in right now?
I live in the medical school building

When did u lose ur virginity...(you r nt one tho)
I don't even know myself, just woke up one morning and i didnt have it!. I didnt bleed my first time. When I was 18.

Jaycee I already knew your questions were going to be hard:
What is the most important thing to you in this world? This one requires a lot of thinking. I think I'll have to say my loved ones, cos I guess my purple patent shoes would not be the best answer!

Where would you go for your honeymoon when u do get married? somewhere where nobody knows me, with a nice honeymoon suite and fabulous room service, prolly with a beach so i ccan fulfil my fantasy of making love on the beach, lol!
Whats ur best historical fact? I had the highest score in Nigeria the month I took my SATs. men, what happened to me?!


efJay how come I'm not too surprised at your questions? lol!
You are seeing someone rite? Yes

How long has it been since u've been 2gether? 4 years, give or take

Do u see urself marrying him, soon? I honestly dont know. When we get to that bridge, we'll cross it.


Nine, the curious mind:
1)Your favourite song of all time? Flying Without Wings

2)How ticklish are you? very

3)How old were you when you first had "the talk" with your maternal unit?I believe I can safely assume that your paternal unit had no part of that:) the earliest I recall, since I was 9/10 when she found the christmas card I bought for the son of my gaurdian that I had a crush on. However she had been hinting at it since she had "the talk" with my sister. I guess I was 7 years old then, cos I remember it was before I went away to boarding school.


dat okrika girl...xyz
Did you always want to go to medical school? yes, since the day I decided that I didnt want to be a teacher anymore.

Do you drink? socially, which is more like when I go clubbing. no more than one glass at a party or one bottle of smirnoff ice.
What did you google today? SCD

would you ever marry a non naija dude? very interesting story. First, I would need to tie down my parents to pull such a stunt. I love me my naija men and it would take a lot for me to find my self so attracted to a non naija dude that I would consider marrying him. Plus, I'm such a naija babe that I would hate to be separated from my culture. Maybe if I meet a non-naija dude who is totally naija at heart..... allow me to dream on!
I'm just coming to the realization that I can date a non naija dude, but marriage is a whole different kettle of fish altogether!


Aphrodite kept it simple
How do you od the slash over word thing(like cancelling)?
you type del in this kind of bracket <>
then you type in the word u want to slash

then into the brackets you type in /del

Are you yoruba or Ibo? Yoruba

Uzezi
which male celebrity got married that really pissed you off? I really dont care about celebrity marriages, but the 'hookup' that still pisses me off is Brangelina. I like Angelina jolie as a person but I dont like the way she 'stole' Brad pitt and Jenny got the short end of the stick. Well, technically they aren't married but they still piss me off.

do you wear panties to bed? of course!

Hairspray or haircream?Hairspray anyday! haircream wears your hair down and attracts dirt. However, when I braid hair, I use haircream while braiding, and subsequently follow up with hairspray for the duration of the style.

naijaleta: your questions mde me smile actually,
In one of your comments on my blog, you said you were far from a size 10. Does that mean bigger or smaller than a size 10? That's my only question. Smaller. I have a feeling however that the origin of this question is not unconnected to my gym post.
Actually my next question is a follow up on the first. What is your dress size? This is the singular reason that I don't buy clothes out of a catalogue. It never fits because my 'size' depends on whose clothes I'm wearing. I'm between a dress size 4/6 depending on the designer. I wear a jeans size 3. so should I be looking in the mail for a package? *wink*

kayshawn:
Okay, here's my question. You've read my blog and possibly had an insight into my personality so do you think I'm the kind of guy you'll like when we meet.
I believe there's more to a blogger apart from what the person posts on their blogs. The comments they leave on other blogs, whose blogs they comment on, and those kind of things tell you more about a plogger than his/her posts. That being said, I don't think I'll like your blog personality for the same reason I don't like Dr. phil. However, if we were to meet, I think we'll have loads to talk about. I enjoy picking at people's brains!
vera:
1. How old are you? I mentioned it once on my blog, go do the research :)
2. How tall are you? I love to claim 5' 7"
3. What is one secret fantasy you would otherwise never tell anyone? If I told you, it wont be a secret fantasy again. so my former secret fantasy was making love on the beach. Now I have to look for another secret fantasy that I would never tell anyone!
Ms Sula: I think I'm actually a semi-undercover reader of her blog myself,
1. Where in Nigeria are you from? Osun state
2. What do you want to specialize in and why? A lot of first years dont know what they want to specialize in. heck! a couple of fourth years dontknow. I'm not sure myself. I think I want to be an Oncologist. you know, these days, everyone is getting cancer. Actually, I did cancer research in undergrad and I got to work closely with an oncologist for a while. plus the oncology program is now combined with heme, which I also like. So if everything stays the same, I'll say heme/onc.
3. What's your favorite shopping store? Any shop where I can get tops and dresses at reasonable prices is it for me. Right now, its a little store near my house. half my current wardrobe comes from there.

30+
1. What are your vital statistics: 34-28-36
2. What happened to the Jesus blog / giving me access to it: The Jesus blog is still alive and well, it doesnt show up on my profile anymore. When I was little, I used to write letters to Jesus instead of praying and then put it in an envelope. I felt that that way it was more personal and direct than repeating the same words in the format that people usually prayed. The Jesus blog is kinda like the same thing. pretty much my prayers.
I was going to give you access to it before and that's why I asked for ur email. Then I had a rethink cos its just too personal. hope u understand shey? the contents are along the lines of " dear Jesus, can you believe what happened to me today? xxxx, and can you make my boobs grow bigger..."
3. Your favourite food / drink : I would need a whole post to do this one. my favorite naija food is pounded yam and vegetable soup. At restaurants, I only order the same thing. currently I'm crushing on McNuggets!
Naapali:
Can an unstoppable force exist in the same universe as an immovable object? only in Gotham city or perhaps a cerebral hemorrhage?
smaragd:
the answers to Zephi's questions: see answers above
how've you been?: I'm doing fine, beautiful!
Lighty 'neferet' kopearl I must say, love your name!
*wot is dat talent u strongly wish u had? I wish I could play the piano
*av u had sex in public/can u? I don't think so. I'm too paranoid. does sex in a car count?
*ur vaseline...wot do u truly use it for??? lol! Easy! I got body oil instead of vaseline, and I mix it with my cocoa butter/shea butter body lotion and rub it on my feet and hands, paying special attention the posterior and lateral aspect of my feet...
jayjazzy another undercover reader:
Do you think u can ever stop blogging as far as u re alive? I've been blogging for almost 4 years and I don't think I'm stopping anytime soon! speaking of which its my one year blogville anniversary in July!!!
When last did u have sex gal: when last did you eat drink soda? exactement!...very recently. you didnt expect date and time did you? lol!

Femi b yet again undercover,
prolife or prochoice? I'd say I'm prochoice, cos I believe everybody should have the right to make the right and best choice for themselves. I don't believe in the government making such choices on what I do with my body.

beyond: the power of a blank cheque!, she came out of hiding to ask:
what was the last thing you ate? ihop omelette
how many kids do you intend to have? 3 or 4
whatz your fav car? Aduke of course! she takes me everywhere, how can't she be my favorite?I'm currently lusting after the 2008 Nissan Altima, don't tell her!

the genius within
Are you a christian or a muslim? Christian

What med school are you studying in? the one that's 20 mins away from my house

What was the craziest thing you ever did for a guy? cry

tininu onijogbon
1. how many times have you had sex": how many times have you had a haircut?

2. Where is you weak spot? you know that spot on your body that if i were just to kiss and mybe bite a little you body will cave in: good luck finding such spot, maybe my neck? Actually I think its my neck....lemme go crosscheck

3.What is the strangest sex position you have done: the Chediak-Higashi position I believe is the most challenging one I've done

Tininu, I'm only answering your first three questions because if you, oluwadee and kay-shawn were in the same class, and you all needed 75% to pass an examination. Oluwadee gets 98% and kayshawn gets 95% and you get 68%. can you tell your teacher to add 4% from oluwadee's scores and the remaining 3% from kay-shawn, so that u can get the 75% ?
-my point exactly love!
carlang:
Favourite valentine? favorite valentine I've had? I dont really think I have a favorite. As long as I have someone who's there for me and genuinely cares, we can sit down at home and watch tv for all I care!
Cuddle or kiss? cuddle

Greatest fear? now that I can drive, I'd say 'Atychiphobia'- the fear of failure

buttercup
what is ur greatest regret? I can't think of any right now. I guess, I don't do regrets. If things don't work out, I dust myself up, maybe cry a few tears for posterity's sake, and then move on.
*have u ever cheated or thought of cheatin on ur partner? of course I think of cheating everytime I see T.I on stage or listen to Wande coal!
*what do u absolutely love doin most? nothing. I absolutely love doing nothing!, when I'm not doing nothing, maybe reading.
This was fun guys...and a lot of hardwork! now I think I need a magaurita!...oops! I meant orange juice.
PS: I might update this later. I just had to get this out of the way first.
[1] do you want to kill the donkey?