Kokolette or Xanga?

There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs, there’ll be no place to put it all – Robert Orben


I was going to continue writing a series titled “My Nigerian Music”, and D’banj was supposed to be my second installment. Read the first one on JSD here.
Dbanj...or Skibanj like his Jamaican brothers call him, is arguably one of the most successful artistes in Nigeria, not because he has a great voice, or because his lyrics are dope or even because he creates great dances. Two things:


1. Its Don Jazzy again….nuff said
2. He understands the business.

He’s one of the best entertainers out there, like he rightfully said in his latest album. Having watched him on stage countless times and for all of 15 mins when I paid $20 to see him perform here in the States, (that’s a story for another day), he’s one of the very few Nigerian artistes that can pull off a live show successfully- energetic, charismatic and knows how to get the crowd grooving- but that’s not what this post is about.
Dude knows how to play the game. Remember the time when “Koko” meant “the crux of the matter”? yea, the good old days. (I encourage you to look up “koko” in the urban dictionary, hilarious sturvs!) By the time “Tongolo Remix” came out, err….that definition didn’t quite fit

Do you like the koko
It’s the sweetest koko

Err….i think not!

Then Koko was redefined as “The essence of Dbanj” (my words, not his). Maybe Dora Akinluyi can borrow a leaf from Dbanj’s rebranding expertise! He became the Koko master, and all his female fans were referred to as Kokolettes. I wont even deny that I was a hardcore kokolette, often referred to myself as the HKIC, that was before I fell in love with Wande Coal…story for another day. A Kokolet was "a woman with good back[with emphasis], and intellectual properties that she can use. So, that is a Kokolet". The one that would drive 20 miles in the night to go see him perform even though she had a phobia for driving on the freeway and watch him perform for 15 mins instead of 2 hours with a crappy sound system and still love the show….where were we?

We wouldn’t even start with the koko water, koko foundation, maybe koko apparel? I’ve kinda lost touch of what the koko is. While I catch myself, lemme re-examine this application for the Koko mansion.

The search for the Ultimate Kokolette.

- You mean the ultimate groupie right?
- Wrong!

Now, the ultimate kokolette, is the perfect wifey material. Kinda goes against the grain doesn’t it?

Wairraminute, doesn’t this sound awfully familiar?
Right!

It kinda sorta sounds like Flavor of Love/for the love of Ray J…yeah, no wonder huffingtonpost.com (the leading democratic blog news website in the US) thought the same thing…BUT you’re wrong.
It’s all about the Morals. Koko Mansion is different, it “strives to celebrate womanhood and the true qualities of an African woman”2…blah blah blah

There won’t be any of those naked, underhand, bitching, scheming (feel free to insert other –ing words) that goes on such shows. I mean how much drama can you get when you put 12 women in a house for eight weeks? Not much!

He’s just looking for the ultimate wifey material. The show revolves around him, but it’s not about him. Personally, I believe there’s just as much bull anyone can dish out before they hit rock bottom –BUT that’s only if you’re not Dbanj.

So this kokolette has to be able to cook, clean, entertain, the whole works – perfect textbook wife. What does she get at the end? A ring, and Dbanj’s companion on events for a year and some other minor stuff (if the brand new car and 5 million naira booty counts as minor- that is) BUT I don’t want you to be confused thinking she’s Dbanj’s girlfriend or wife or anything like that, afterall she just gets a ring and follows him about as his “companion” at events for a year, but there’s absolutely no relationship between them- None absolutely whatsoever.

Are you confused? Think that sounds like a girlfriend, fiancée, wife or God forbid a glorified groupie?

Nah! You’ve just got too much common sense that’s all!

So does this mean this latest “koko” venture wont be successful?

Are you kidding me? Haven’t u been paying attention all this while? It’s D-B-A-N-J! – of course no matter how much outrage or underhand snickering that goes on about this, countless of young girls will buy that form for only #5000 (its not free, right?) and try out for the show, and even millions more will watch and vote (u might even have to pay, ok lemme double check my sources on that one)

Dbanj is a very successful entrepreneur who has proven time and again that he knows how to work this business. It’s not only Ms Kokoletta that’ll be smiling all the way to the bank. I’m even willing to bet that there will be a Koko Mansion II. I hear he even gets to use Kokomycin on the show- this is going to be great!


sidenote:
the title was in reference to an excerpt from an interview Dbanj gave: A xanga is the opposite of a kokolet.



PS: if you find yourself wondering what this article is about, not to worry, the author finds herself wondering the same thing also.

PPS: the administrator of this blog is still in hibernation mode because of them blasted USMLEs but she just came up for fresh air so as not to lose her mind. She will be visiting all your blogs in a couple of weeks when she's done. she appreciates ALL your birthday shout outs and hearts you totally!

PPS: she knows that you guys are totally having sleepless nights because of her absence and missing her so so much that blogging has just become boring because her shouts of "FIRST!" are not at the top of your posts. She wishes to let u know that she misses you guys too.

PPPS: she also implores you to save all your juicy, raunchy, interesting posts till she's back and just post boring memes!