Almost doesn't count...or does it?

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya' round
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count
-Brandy

Some I 'dated', some I don't even know what to call them. Some people call them puppy love, others call them different names. I call them my Almosts.

Agent: The Guardian
qualifications: Never even held hands
Job experience: The ill-fated christmas card, couple of letters.

He was the very first person I noticed as a guy. I attended a same sex school for a while (started at a very young age), so of course my previous encounters with the male folk was limited to playing sets(soccer), hide and seek, police and thief and the rest.

In school, I had a guardian who had 3 sons and daughters. After a while, I noticed the second son "liked" me. I was afraid to like him back at first, cos he was way older and many seniors had crushes on him. How would he like me? A mere JS2 girl. since he was my guardian's son, we had more encounters than the leering seniors, and I started to like him.

One holiday, I went back home to Lagos, and I bought him some Christmas cards. I'm guessing (can't remember) the card had some buzzwords, i.e "darling", "love", "sweetheart" and a couple of others, because my mom found the card and scared the "Love" out of me. My mom is a story for another day. Needless to say, that was the end. I transferred that same semester.


Agent: Brainy Brian
qualifications: might have held hands, never kissed.
Job experience: SSCE past questions.

So I transferred to a co-educational school. The first guy to "toast" me was my friend's brother who was a year ahead. Dude was quick with it, I must admit. He always walked me home, sent people to pressurize me. After much wahala, I agreed to be his "girlfriend".

His idea of a relationship didn't suit mine.

He would come to my house with various SSCE past questions and give them to me to do. Our conversations always revolved around 1996 WAEC chemistry, JAMB past exams and the rest

I was bored.

By this time, I had realized that "Brain" was a little too much of a nerd for me. My mom didn't mind him coming to our house (which was weird), I guess she knew he was too much of a nerd to pose any "problems". I called it quits after like 3 weeks(?). Brain was heartbroken, but then I had discovered cuter and less nerdier boys in the school :)


Agent: D' Diddy
qualifications: Probably held hands, Never kissed
Job experience: Lots of coded letters, the famous ill-fated cardS

I call him my diddy cos in retrospect he looked and acted a lot like diddy. He transferred to my school in SS2( 11th grade). All the girls thought diddy was cute, and were falling over themselves to get him to notice them. I guess that was what put me off. I used to write in my diary in code-language, apparently diddy had his own codes. He challenged me to break his code- which I did.

Diddy then started to making passes on me, to which most of the guys in the class told him he was wasting his time. To the amazement of them all, Something started out between Diddy and I.

The guys were jealous, the girls hated me - it was the perfect "relationship".

My mom found some cards diddy sent me. It had the magic words " head over heels in love", "love", etc. She showed it to one of my teachers, and we both got punished. This time it didn't have the same effect as the last time. We kept on at it. However diddy, like the real Diddy, had wandering affections.

I broke up with him (before he could, hehehe) after I found out that he was "toasting" an SS1 girl. I don't share.


Agent: Lil Thiery Henry
qualification: Almost kissed
Job experience: couple of visits, gifts.

His period almost overlapped with that of diddy. Infact, I knew he liked me before diddy even transferred to our school, but he was slow. He never made a move, we were just friends. Sometimes I think diddy was intimidated by our friendship. We became closer. He used to walk me home from school almost everyday. Everybody knew there was an attraction there.

One day, we were sitting outside our class. He was sitting on the window sill, I was standing between his legs. He moved in to kiss me, ...but someone appeared then and ruined the moment. dang! The kiss never happened.

Shortly after, I changed schools and then he travelled after we finished high school. We got in contact when I got here. Infact, I called him. He wanted to pick up from where we left off, but things were not the same again. I still like him, but I'm not the same 13 year old anymore.


Agent: First Infatuation
qualifications: Held hands. Never kissed.
Job experience: coded letters, emails, e-cards.

I changed schools yet again, in my senior year of high school. To cut a long story short, I was attracted to one long genius like that. He liked me too. At first, it was a healthy competition with the books. I think he was attracted to me because of my brain. I was still very smart back then.

We were both in the boarding house then. We would spend hours and hours on weekends in each other's company in school. Just talking. When we ran out of things to say, we would just LOOK at each other.

Everybody in school thought we were dating. He never asked me out.

We finished school and he came to yanks within a few months....then he asked me out. We lived in this illusion for a couple of months...maybe a year.

I so wanted us to be in the same school. I travelled 2 years after he left. I was in a different state. Then we drifted apart. He found someone else, I found someone else.

Everybody was disappointed. We were both happy. Now, he's off the market....for good.

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count