Nigerians and Suicides

during third year psych rotations, I had this patient who was suicidal. I went in to pre-round on him and he was telling me his story. He just got out of jail for 18 years, and had finally gotten a job against all odds. One day his boss fired him - cos they no longer to hire someone with a felony record. He went to the bridge.
That morning, I gave him the "when there's life, there's hope" spew, and he said something to me "you're young, beautiful, you're going to be a doctor, you have your whole life ahead of you so you can say that". I just chopped my EOL (ela of Life) and kept quiet. I didnt know I'd be in his shoes just a few years later. At the peak of the time I was suicidal nobody knew or even took me serious enough. yes, they told me about hellfire, etc


lesson1: A suicidal person doesnt really care about hell fire, they cant see that far.
They just assumed she's a christian, she knows what the bible teaches, blah blah blah. The only reason why I didnt go through with it, was 1. I didnt have a plan 2. I'm educated enough to know that to be successful I gotta do something serious.
When Tosin died, It hit quite close to home for me. I dont know what she was going through, cos she seemed to have all i wanted - all I wanted to kill myself over. She didnt take pills, drink bleach, slit her hands cos she knows that that ish dont work. I believe she was educated enough to know.

lesson 2: once a person gets to the point where they have a plan, they WILL do it if not watched closely.
Even when I got admitted to the hospital, the nigerian professionals there still did not understand. ehn, you're not an american, so u want to kill yourself blah blah blah. do you pray blah blah  is that why we are here? effing shut up and do your job!

lesson3: hopelessness is real
Hopelessness will drive you to the point of being suicidal. during that time alone, about 5 nigerians killed themselves, so Nigerians do commit suicide. Hopelessness is what drives you to that point. When I was there, I couldnt see past that. Everybody kept saying, its not the end of the world, it will be alright. Nobody said HOW it would be allright. I felt like all I had worked for was gone, and there was no salvaging it. I couldnt go back into the past, so there was no hope. All that christianese talk wasnt doing it for me.

lesson4: STFU with the christianese talk
Yes, I'm a Christian. I love the Lord just as much as the next born again christian (halleluyeur!!!) BUT when I'm feeling hopeless and considering suicide I really dont want to hear about hellfire, suicide is a sin, cos im not processing that ish at all.
Plus if I'm a good enough christian, I know that the Bible is full of these wonderful oxymorons.
We should strive to be perfect but we just never will.
our righteousness are like filthy rags before HIM anyways.
So if you have not walked in my shoes, all those "It is wells" can be shoved up where the sun dont shine, cos its not doing ish for me!

...oh, and my favorite part, Nigerians abroad have become americanized
yeah, so the "american culture" has rubbed off on them and thats why they are suicidal cos nigerians dont do that"...have u been reading ANYTHING at all?
so, the western world is actually tougher than the third world. Some things if you dont get right in the western world, then dey suppose go baff ur head for barbeach cos I dont know how you'll make it in the third world. even at that,

so next time (and i hope it doesnt) something like this happens, and we are all sitting down wondering why he/she did it,

Anyways, recognize the signs of suicide:

• Appearing sad or depressed most of the time
• Clinical depression: deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating—that doesn’t go away or continues to get worse
• Feeling anxious, agitated, or unable to sleep
• Neglecting personal welfare, deteriorating physical appearance
• Withdrawing from friends, family, and society, or sleeping all the time
• Losing interest in hobbies, work, school, or other things one used to care about
• Frequent and dramatic mood changes
• Expressing feelings of excessive guilt or shame
• Feelings of failure or decreased performance
• Feeling that life is not worth living, having no sense of purpose in life
• Talk about feeling trapped—like there is no way out of a situation
• Having feelings of desperation, and saying that there’s no solution to their problems

and while you can get them hospitalized, the system is only designed for acute care. so if a person's situation does not change, once they get out of that hospital, they WILL think about suicide again - IF their situation does not change.

I thank God for the friends who stood by me through it all - even though they didnt understand what I was going through, they WERE there - as opposed to the preachy gang.

PS: Bumight is now on facebook!! www.facebook.com/bumight