I don't know what to write.
This is a first for me, because I always have stuff dancing about in my head that I can't pick and choose from.
A lot of times I go through my previous posts and I've noticed a change in the direction of the posts.
I've said to myself that I won't write about school an write about other cool stuff, but truth is school is 95% of my time. If I'm not in school, I'm at home studying for an exam. Every other "fun" stuff I do is planned around this. And before you start thinking "efikko" or anything else, I just have to do this in order to stay afloat. Infact, I feel a whole lot less smarter than I have felt in years!
see, I've been used to not studying and doing so great. All through growing up, nobody ever said " Go read your books!". I even had a fight with one of my cousins who I was staying with in college back in Nigeria, for saying those words to me. Funny thing is that my dad backed me up. I'm used to studying the night before the test and getting the highest score. This is not to say that I never studied, but reading was fun for me, it wasn't a chore. I never had to schedule study time.
I've never had to work so hard and expect such mediocre results. I guess I believe that if I put in this much effort, I should be firmly sitting on top of the class. I should be averaging 90% and above, and not hovering around 81%.
Anyways, when I first started this blog, the purpose was to have an escape route from school. Somewhere to run to keep my sanity. Then, I didn't have this many readers. I didn't even know any blogger except exschoolnerd whom was instrumental in my moving to blogger.
I have discovered so many new blogs that I feel like I'm losing myself. I never used to worry about how many people read my blog, if I was first to comment on someone's blog, how many comments I got, whose blogs I read, how often I posted those type of things. I feel like you bloggers have invaded my "home" and I'm becoming "changed". I feel like my posts no longer have the kind of spontaneity that they used to. My posts might appeal to a lot more readers but they no longer appeal to me.
I really truly appreciate you guys. you have no idea! I really love reading your comments and I actually look forward to them. I take little breaks to read your posts and I follow the events of your lives through your blogs. I just feel like you guys have hijacked my blog from me. gimme my blog back dammit! its mine!!!
Its kind of like being on a reality show because of some characteristics that you have, and then the reality show ends up changing you. You still have your fans but you gradually stop becoming a fan of yourself. There has to be some happy medium somewhere and I'm going to find it.
*now that i got that out of the way*
1. I narrowly escaped being killed in my own house - ok, maybe not killed but injured
2. I'm decorating! I think I've watched too much style tv and HGTV. I might post pictures on my style blog later. email me for an invite if you live in Nigeria or UK and want to see
I'l blog about these later
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37 comments:
number 1..take your blog back..lol
Well this is certainly the first step to reclaiming your blog. I don't know how to explain it but I don't actually think it's possible to have a public blog and blog exclusively for yourself. The minute the blog is open for others to read, like you said, it's almost impossible not to be influenced by said readers and you can't help but begin to give some attention to things like the number of comments, number of visitors to the blog or your frequency of posting.
The good thing is that your writing still maintains that element of being true to who you are and what is important to you so keep on writing!
Is your style blog written on a blog platform that only works for Nigerians and people in the UK?
*huge sigh* i feel you my sistah, exact same dilemma..it's like, as i type, i'm thinking bout what everybody else would feel, constantly being very politically correct and all that..
and it annoys me so much that at some point i started to be bothered by the amount of comments i got, who blogrolled me, blah blah, and it really upset me, because when i started blogging i made a conscious decision not to make that an issue for me. but i guess i got swept up in the hype and gradually started caring...Thankfully though, i'm on a path to chilling out! and like you, trying to reclaim my blog :P..goodluck!
Have your blog back dammit.
I feel you o, my sister.
You should start watching discovery and national geographic - geek alert!
Wait, what about us in the US? We can't email for an invite to see your style blog?? Not fair!!!
hmm this is something i have been thinking about for some time nowm the whole keeping up...but despite all i will try to remain true to myself and why i started blogging...
i blog with a purpose and i refuse to allow anyone take that away from me.
here's to reclaiming your blog back
It does start to get hard, this blogging thing. But when it does, just take a deep breath, walk away from it and come back refreshed and renewed.
Ah, so you only dey invite people from Naija and UK to see ya style blog, eh? *sniff, sniff* - e no good oh!!!
I thought this was a goodbye for a minute and it made me sad...
Priorities are priorities-school and your real life come before this...
There are so many bloggers out there and it is easy to get lost trying to keep up with them. I made a decision to follow a few blogs I like/learn from/enjoy, and stick with those, because this can become time consuming.
This is your space, so feel free to write about what ever you damn well please. Regardless of what you write or what your name is-I'll be here to read as much as I can.
SO DO YOU CHICA!
1. Take ur yeye blog back! I dash u patapata! I no go come here again lailai!
2. Quote: "Those who occupy public positions (govt etc) give themselves up as public property."
Hence those who maintain public blogs render themselves, and those blogs, public property.
In proper language: u no fit collect ur blog back lailai! O to be!!!
3. Now, wetin be dat email of urs so i fit check d style blog, ehn?
I get the same feeling too girl. Not to worry, you have it back.
Funny enough, I think I've felt the change in the posts...
It even happens to the best writers. The osmosis from writer to audience to subject matter is ever present. Coehlo (as in Paulo) has been accused by critics to pander to his audience...
I think as long as you are aware of it, you can claim it back. And despite what you may think or feel, your quintessential spirit always infuses your post.
Just keep on writing, and you'll like it again. ;)
*sigh*
anything you want dear. gba!
@simeoneomobaba:
first timer's luck! I'm taking it back by fire by force, lol
@gng:
Its not really about blogging exclusively for myself, its more about staying true to myself in the midst of it all.
the style blog is that way cos I dont want any person in the US tracing my identity to my room! I'll have to do a security clearance for the people who live in the US
@theicequeen:
I think you really get me. I know its hard but its possible to stay true to yourself
@invisible:
I already do watch discovery channel and sometimes the history channel :)
@solomonsydelle:
I actually dont see blogging as hard work. I need to do a security clearance before i let u in the other blog!
@NDQ:
goodbye ke? not anytime soon!
I actually do follow a few bloggers and I check out new bloggers that come to my page when the old faithfuls dont update on time.
when i first started blogging, it was sooooo time consuming, blog stalking and checking for updates, God bless the boys at google reader!
thanks for understanding :)
@Fineboy agbero:
sweet'art mi, you know this space isnt going to be complete without you!
yeah, in a way my "blog life" is public property, but i dont want it to change me in a way where i start sounding phony and then u dont like me anymore :(
my email is on my page.
O jare I'm with SSD on this. Walk away for a while, and come back.
I came to say that I empathise and that from the comments here and from postings in many other places,your feelings though real are also shared by other bloggers. As Ms. Sula put it so eloquently, writing, especially blogging is something that responds to feedback from its audience. It is hard to not be influenced by it. However, recognizing it for what it is and shaping your response is one way to cope with it.
BTW thanks for this quote "@mizchif: I remind you of Dr. Naps? hell naw! I'm an ayounge o! and I do go out and have fun too!"
- from the baba arugbo of blogville. Sorry I got to go change my Depends now.
@naijababe:
I'm glad u understand.
@Ms sula:
so you noticed it too? I'm sure a lot of people have also. I've noticed the change of posts in other bloggers as well: Afrobabe, carlang, Naapali just to name a few.
@badderchic:
awwww, thanks for understanding! :)
@archiwiz:
problem is I dont think I can walk away for more than 5 days? I'll fix it though :)
@Naapali:
I guess it was kinda a shock for me cos when i was on xanga i didnt have this much reader interaction, people that read my blog then were mostly non-bloggers
as for the quote, that got me rotflmao! for real. people keep saying that, lol I'm an ayounge peperempe jare, dont worry you're not the baba arugbo of blogsville, there's still nimmo!
I don't think u should worry too much about pleasing an audience when u write esp since u didn't set out to do that to begin with. Just write and do u.
i feel u on this...... remember it'll always be ur blog so feel free to get that old feeling back and imagine no one is reading. i do that sometimes when im posting..... to release the mind.....
erm... i used to live in d uk? can i still email for d style blog?
...i agree with ms. sula's comment...funny how feedback loops work huh?...even when we think we are unaffected...take your blog back love!!!... i support you!...
Reading both skl book and novel for me is fun for me, i read everywhere while eating, in the bus, taxi, waiting. Unfortunately work isnt as muchh fun.
Anyways blog exactly how u want to, when u want to. DO it youy way. ITS YOUR BLOG
ok i am getting worried here...why does my comment get skipped over with no response on people's blog...this is not the first time it is happening on blogville...!
hmm maybe my name aloted isn't noticeable? hmmmmmmmm ..
bumight, do i have reason to be worried??? :)
I feel you love...I am starting to loose the freedom I feel writing as well...
This post sounded like you were expressing your true self...like the escape the blog was intended to be...and I particularly enjoyed knowing more about you.
It may be hard to pretend that no one's putting comments on ur blog that are actually changing you...or to pretend that you are not writing to millions of people whose lives are being affected positively by you...but you will be surprised that the more true you are to urself with the posts (as originally intended) the more relaxed people will remain as they come here.
sorry about the injury...hope you're feeling better.
All the best at school.
@Afrobabe: Please be free in ur writing...biko
"I have discovered so many new blogs that I feel like I'm losing myself. I never used to worry about how many people read my blog, if I was first to comment on someone's blog, how many comments I got, whose blogs I read, how often I posted those type of things. I feel like you bloggers have invaded my "home" and I'm becoming "changed". I feel like my posts no longer have the kind of spontaneity that they used to. My posts might appeal to a lot more readers but they no longer appeal to me."
u r echoing my very feelings!!!! wow. did u read my mind??? there was a period i considered quitting 4rm blogville cos of dis!
how r u jare. healing good, i hope
I share your thoughts on this. It's true that bloggers are only human in wanting to be themselves as well as interact with their readers. It is a conflict of sorts I suppose.
Just do you, jare. That's what attracted your readers to you in the 1st place:-)
Hope your exams are going well.
2invisible-"what about us in the u.s?"-if i slap ur face...us in the u.s ko us in the u.s ni....ever heard of won kin je meji laba alade-u want to be in u.s yet u want to see naija and u.k sturvs...shio!.
en en jare...bumight,pls dont loose ur self o.awon aiye too dey expect drama .....my own trick is to always know in my heart that my blog is primarily a virtual me...so i have to please myself first before the readers.....thou i loooooove the comments ...they spur me on.
aloted
I'm so sorry, I dint mean to skip your comment. it was an oversight.
yeah, its very easy to forget why one started blogging in the first place.
@sting:
its not really about trying to please an audience, at least not subconsciously, its just that the tone on my blog is just starting to feel ....idk, ...dictated?
@funms:
yeah, i guess the best way to go is to imagine that no one is reading. that's what i did when i wrote this post!
@guerriranigeriana:
yeah, the feedback loop definitely does that, the key is realizing it before its waaaay too late.
@doll:
it depends on what work you do. I guess people perform better at school and at work if they find it fun.
aloted
see, I replied your comments twice! you dont have to be worried about anything.
@Afrobabe:
yeah, i remember when you used to write posts about Ade. I especially the post about grocery shopping with just $20! that was what drew me to ur blog actually.
@Rita:
you took the words right out of my mouth! I guess i'll just have to blank everything out and just write!
I actually didnt get injured. will put up the post later.
thanks for the concern :)
@Florida:
awww, we are kindred spirits!
@naijalines:
yeah, i want to interact with my readers, infact I look forward to the interaction, I just want to remain myself.
Exams are fine, its becoming a vicious cycle!
@mi-cynic:
abeg, take it easy on invisible o!
I look forward to the comments too, they bring a smile to my face especially on days when I've had it up to my neck!
aww i am smiling..hehehe
i will send u email for invite to ur style blog..i am in the uk so i qualify ;)
i know EXACTly how you feel.
i love getting comments so much that sometimes i think about changing to suit commenters... but (not to brag or anything... ok maybe just a tad :P) i've managed to stay very 'me', even tho i have allowed myself to be bounced from blog-dentity to blog-dentity.
i suppose it also reflects in the fact that there is never any undue drama on my page.
i could go on but i fear it'll be more an outlet for my feelings and not enuf of a reflection of urs, and you did jus ask us to give u back ur darned blog! so i will.
keeping up with new bloggers is SUCH a hassle sometimes! i dont know how peeps like exschoolnerd do it, as long as theyve been blogging. i get so tired of old favouites closing down blogs and new 'celebrity' bloggers popping up all over the place. it's so consuming!!!
ok again i'm diverting. and this is a long ass comment. so i'ma stop now!
when things start getting less spontaneous, i think the best thing to do is take a break and then come back.
your mind is refreshed...dont be gone for too long tho, cos you might also loose it!
Ok I struggled whether to comment on this but I will.
I called my blog ‘The Good Shepherd’ for that very reason…every time I want to cater to the audience or copy something I’ve read in blogville or attack that one person here that has pissed me off already… I look at the title and I stop myself… I started this for a reason…& I choose to continue on my path…it is that simple
I use the posts for me…
I use the comments for the audience…not always sha cos I have stopped commenting on all my posts labelled Good Shepherd…but I didn’t close them off to comments…cos I’ve had SOME SUPERB comments that allow me to grow rich in this experience e.g. Allied’s comment on one just struck a cord cos it was so profound (for me)
Apart from the above the only wisdom that I can impart (as someone older) is every experience will change you…if you don’t like it…change it.
It really is your blog…nobody took it…maybe you just started giving it away…like others have said… take it back.
LOL, not sure i'm supposed to though..Guess its a lot of work replying to a million comments on your blog post, don't envy you..it is the price of fame..LOL
I do feel u on the fun part though, same here. Every blog i read reads like so much fun and a lot of people are having fun, and so have a lot of experiences to share. But my life revolves around studying too at the moment, so my blog reads like..i dunno..Guess we're alike a bit..
Anyways no one took your blog away from you. You should just write from your heart and not think about what others might think about your post..
Hope med schl's dandy..Besides u're a brainy if u score 81% in my books..tk cre dearie
aloted
ok, I'll expect ur email ;)
@geisha song:
I'm glad a lot of people can relate to this post. I think everyone enjoys comments, but staying "me" is the not-so-easy part. lol @ celebrity bloggers.
@just-Toluwa:
I thought about taking a break, but its not that easy for me to just take a break, cos I dont see blogging as a 'task" or work. when things become more difficult, i guess thats when i want to write more, I just dont know about putting up such posts
@shubby doo
sometimes, there are just those comments that lift your spirit, and I really do appreciate them. I sure am taking my blog back!
@the genius within:
the price of fame? I dont think so!
awww, I guess we're kindred spirits, lol! studying can be fun too, lets make them all wish they were studying!
@ bumight
- my blog sure has changed with time
- some of that is in response to readers expectations (e.g. a certain medical student on the eastern seaboard that is always requesting I write more medical stuff, fiction or real)
- most of it though just reflects my underlying mood, as my recent posts probably have.
- the only thing constant is change itself
@naapali:
I've certainly noticed the changes on ur blogs. i remember the posts u had on resistance, entropy and those kind of things: R = V/I, p1v1 = p2v2. that was the reason i started reading your blog, I just thought it was soo cool!
I like the free medical classes I'm getting now also :) so I guess I can't complain that much
lol..i hope u get ur blog back!
i love the history channel.. :D
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