there is a grave danger when you've been brought up to aim for perfect all the time.
the perfect daughter
the perfect student
the perfect friend
the perfect girlfriend....even the perfect enemy.
sure, you perfect the act, but you evolve into the perfect monster.
see, after a while, you do all the great daugherly things, come first in class, don't spill your friend's secrets and you're every man's dream girlfriend
you would think that everyone would be happy with you? and sure they are, but the standards become so high and you can't keep up anymore.
You have to will yourself to keep up with the ever increasing standards... and you keep trying and trying and you're just not there yet.
maybe you'll never be.
Its not just enough to get an A anymore, you have to get the highest grade, and even if you get the highest grade, why didn't u get a perfect score?
you can't afford one slip up, you're doomed. at that one slip, all your perfect record is marred...forever.
some children have raised their voices at their parents countless times, but your silent "No" constitutes a rebellion.
and when you can't be there for a friend for her one birthday, you're a bad friend, the other people who only call on the birthday are better.
and you kissed a guy who's not your boyfriend? you're a slut!, those that slept with others, well, they only did it cos he cheated on them, its ok.
God forbid you miss church one day, heck! you're going straight to Hell!
you can never learn from your mistakes, cos you're not even supposed to make them to start with.
I want to tell my mom to shut up!
I want to fail an exam and not feel bad about it
I want to tell my pastor to mind his business
I want to have a one nigh random shag
I want to tell my friends to stop bothering me
I want to gain 25 pounds
I just want to be mediocre for once and not feel guilty about it...
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46 comments:
New to your blog and first!!!!!!!!!! Don't delete it either. I enjoyed your post it just reminds me of how people are so consumed with being at the top..being mediocre is not something people aspire to. But it does make you wonder if everyone wants to be number 1 what are we going to do about the spaces after 1?? someone has to 2...
Ahn ahn, how can a new comer first me like dis!
Anyway, dearie, i know how you feel, used to feel that way before, but i "fell from grace" sometime ago, so i kinda feel less shackled. I still have plenty of responsibility, but i try to still do me as much as i can.
I trust that this feeling will pass and you will find a way to be true to urself, no matter the expectations of others.
Take care luv.
go ahead babe - dig into that tub of icecream. you WILL feel better. x
Pele, I know its hard sometimes, set your own standards and go with that, because if you try to follow the ones set by others, you will only drive yourself crazy, and guess what? that still wont be good enough, take it easy just be yourself, see yourself as God sees you,
Ps
please o dont have a random shag, ko worth e, maintain your morality, thats always worth it. God bless
Awwww.....do it jo. Do Everything u want to do. That's what life is all about...living it, mistakes and all!
Sometimes we have to be brave to step out so we can be our own person and find our way in life. That may mean not being perfect. It is not an easy thing to do but it is necessary to preserve our sense of self which is so easily denied particularly in non-western societies.
Life has no meaning if we only live up to the image that exists in other people's minds...which I'm afraid is something we've all been guilty of at one time or the other. We all need to cut ourselves a bit of slack and just LIVE.
pls dont delete this. it kinda makes me glad i neva even tried to please them. you go girl, do evri single one of those things u wrote at least just 4 trips then u can go bak to bein good.
i feel you totally...dont delete. you make s much sense.
we're being the perfect everything for every other person but ourselves, we become 'perfect monsters'(i like that phase)
i'm glad i've never had to be perfect for my mom. maybe my sisters...
being a hundred percent myself is so hard now cos i'd be viewed as nothing less than everything unperfectly mean.
i guess thats part of the reason i'm dwelling in a zone of self identity crisis.
2nd ke? I no believe..I know where you are coming from but the thing is that our folks just want us all to be the best we can be. Every parent sees and wants his/her child to be the best or aspire to be the best.
They know that in life, mediocre won't make you a great person or someone in a position to make his environment/society a better place.
So, fine, they drive us too much atimes but they do so with the best of intentions.
So do your best dearie. Someone said ' i always shoot for the moon, but if i miss, i'd be among the stars'..
Take good care doc..
Mmmm... Yep, you probably will delete this.... I totally feel you though, cos I entered my partially 'rebellious' period a while ago... I would encourage you to do things how you feel sometimes, but be selective...Failing exams might not be enabling to your future. As per all the others, I have no idea.
maybe he should mind his buisiness hope u dont mind the drive by
rawdawgbuffalo
Please dont delete this, its so true. Perfection cannot be achieved, its impossible because you weere not made perfectly. Define your definition of excellence and strive for that, believe me that brings you perfect peace.
Pele.
I have felt that way and sometimes still feel that way. I guess you should start by asking yourself why you do what you do, and if you do it for yourself. If that is the case then this is who you are and keep doing it. If not then perhaps you want to change your priorities. I sense that a lot of the pressure you feel is internal and not as much from outside as you seem to believe.
First thing is accepting that you are human and not perfect.
Bumight dearie, it's ok if you leave this post up because it is the HONEST state of your mind right now...
After all that's said and done, I pray that you will leave according to your own standards and not those set for you by your parents and friends. In life, our best competitor is ourselves. Be WHO God has spoken about you even while you were yet in your mother's womb, and I'm pretty sure that you will be the best at whatever you set your hands to do...
Take a deep breath, step away, take a walk. Feel a lil better now?
Ok, now pick things that are most important to you. Focus on those things. Define yourself, your happiness. If others don't like them, guess what, they'll have to deal with it. Don't let anyone define your happiness.
It is well.
i have come to realise that sometimes the reason why some people expect no less than perfection from us is that they are living thier lives vicariously through us. Sometimes you have to be brave enough to say to the world actually im content to just jog along at a brisk pace and if thats not good for you feel free to sprint right past me.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN MY MIND INTRUDING!?!?!?!?
(^_^)
The feeling is not unique o, but just be true to yourself and values if you ever intend to do any of those things.
There are three no nos on your list sha, I would not advise it all, then again you prolly want to tell me to shut up as well :).
Chin up girl
u r joking about the 25 pounds.
i feel u. im having that down time right now. so much being expected of me. and im thinking what ifs....
u will be fine. just once in a while, please urself and say sorry later.
bumight....its even good tht weare seeing this side of u at blogsville tooo cos quite honestly tht post u put up abt wht we would prefer ur blog name to be...made me realise tht u rily wanted to be bum-tight not bumight....evryone is guilty of putting ppple on thjt high pedestal...its like we are re-enacting ourselves thru u or we all wana have tht hero tht lil miss perfect so my advice....bone all of us and do ur thn girl......nobody can u feel less of urself without your consent...and no one can put tht much pressure on u for perfect outcomes always cos ure not God.
Bumight, you only live once, so I'd say you should better enjoy yourself. Be first in your own life. Be happy for you, not anyone else.
But ehm...I dunno about telling momsy to shut up. That one na proper back hand slap.
wow...hunny, you're speaking the language of my mind. I completely relate with this post, please don't delete. Atleast not yet. Until I have read & re-read it over again :)
Well, some people will always pass their judgment no matter what. What matters is if the judgements gets to you or not. Personally, I can't be bothered so I don't let anyone bother me.
Some items just can't happen though - gain 25 pounds?? I wish. My metabolism's too high for me to do that, so everyone says.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you to be sure your random one night shag straps on properly, do I?
my dear, that's the way your cookie crumbles...my advice is, BE YOURSELF, DONT try to fit into anyone's profile...YOU know the TRUTH, its beyond what you FEEL, or how others try to make you feel
you might have to fall out with a parent (not neccesarily disrespectfully though) at some point for them to realise certain things
you dont need to put on 25pounds because you know you dont want to
you might need to let your pastor know he's got his limits (knowing still that YOU dont know it all)
finish school now and you MIGHT never need to write an exam again. we all HATE school
YOUR friend's are your friends because they CAN BE your friends. tell them your problems
buy RUBBER, booty call some guy that you've been dodging since & FUCK him WELL
totally feel ya on wanting something different sometimes...
Now, I'm sure we need to meet!!!! Life is for livin so why u dey dull urself?
Whose life is it anyway? Urs or theirs?
Have ur random shag (with me *winks*)
Score low grades if u wish (but dont fail sha o, otherwise a resit or somethin)
Miss church once in a while (God will understand)
Eat all d icecream and chocolate in d world...
In short: be human! Live!
Awww sweetie...
I guess we can all relate to being pressurised by soceity n strivin to live up to high expectations..its not easy being tugged from diff ends n being expected to excel in each end..
Just try n take it easy..do whatever wud make u happy bearin in mind that it/they shudnt be a thing(s) u'l regret..
We got u, girl!
Mwah!
Oh n yea, u really dnt hav to take this post down
For starters,Dont delete the post.I am only goint to say that u be true to yourself and not do what u might regret.
Did you crawl into my mind and spoke my thoughts? Please don't delete it.
I couldn't afford to travel down for a friend's wedding a few month's back she hasn't spoken to me since. She won't reply my texts or pick my calls forgetting all the times I have been there for her. Just one time I am a pariah! I have since tuned off. I just do what pleases me now. Chin up and try not to be perfect.
Don’t take this down because you were brutally honest with yourself. It is allowed.
As much as I feel u think everything is pushed to you as in people want you to be a certain way – I think it’s because u have that trait. I still think u are going to feel a little sorry about this post later on cause u think its bad that u said all those things
Its not. It is the way you feel right now and u are entitled to rant.
I felt like this sometime back and I still do sometimes – though, I did not tell my mom to shut up but believe me I told her to “be quite” it only took that one time for her to back off a little.
Please under No Circumstances should u deliberately gain 25 pounds. A pound or two is the minimum allowed.
@everyone:
thanks guys! you guys exceed my expectations everytime.
i wasnt going to come back to my blog anytime soon for fear of deleting the post.
I'm keeping the post up. you guys rock!
What can seem mediocre to others at times is just us experiencing our humanity.
The human condition is to be imperfect. Otherwise, how boring this short life would be.
Just remember to be you. That's the only person you're liable to. And if you doesn't want to be Ms. Perfect for a minute, then so be it.
Hang in there.
This is how I feel right now...
thanks for expressing my own thoughts so PERFECTLY..lol
glad u did not take it off...
Live life...and do all the things you want to FOR YOURSELF and for no one else, so it goes without saying that we know u dnt want to add dt 25lbs...
its so freakin hard to loose it...
Hugs...XOXO
u just tryna be human i guess
*Emergency**out of topic*
Pls I need recipe 4 moimoi asap! Pls email me sharpish.
P.s-dnt tel ur mom shut up o, pls calm down, I dnt knw wut it is but just calm down ok boo so I can get d recipe.
don't let anybody define you! i have a feeling you have set a certain standard 4 yourself as well as feeling you have to meet everyones expectation of you...i did then same when i was younger...
I understand where you are coming from. Take it easy. Hate to be extremely frank, but you will not have the luxury of mediocrity especially with the line of work you will get into. So,my sista, simply keep a level head. You aren't perfect, yes. But, God made you to be an incredible replica of Him, so just apply yourself and the rest will follow.
I am always rooting for you!!!
And, you claimed that top spot this week!!! There's nothing mediocre about that.
**Hugs**
=)
i see uv decided to not take down the post...good one!
here's my fav quote..and i think it sorta applies
"If your number one goal is to make sure everyone approves of you,then u risk sacrificing your uniqueness and therefore your excellence"
just do u babe..just do u!
ahhh, i seriously feel you, i'm going through the same kind of sturves right now and because of that innate wanting to not mess up i cant even let loose. this sucks big time!
i guess that's the monster unsaid rule we have been taught to live by..... it does suck when so many people have unbelieveable expectation n yet they seems to forget the fact we are not made to be perfect but humans
Damn I know the feeling all too well. I wish i could offer comfort or tell you it will be ok, nope be like this for the rest of your life.
I liked dis post loads. I am still smiling.
Enjoy being the real you...
ha!!! na wa oo
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